LotusFlower

77d

Someone that I have so much love for, for the first time has told me they love me first. and they have not ever done that. so I'm shocked. but I'm at a point where, I'm tired. I'm hurting. I'm angry, I'm pissed, I'm done. I'm just done. It hurts. I've known him my whole life basically and I said it first. but now, I'm in a whole relationship... and we are still friends. but now?! now you tell me that first..... on top of my female best friend simply acting nonchalant with me if that, because I've been shut off from her as well since she's been closed off with information about her being sick and having to go to the hospital because she fainted and is 7 months pregnant with my niece and she didn't tell me. I found out from our boss, that she fxxxing fainted. her boyfriend has me on social media and he didn't even reach out to me and tell me... so I'm hurting. I'm tired. my boyfriend..... he's going through a lot of crap himself but he forgets about me.... like he hasn't been prioritizing me so I prioritized myself and I've just been staying to myself. but he came to me tonight and apologized for not being better towards me. all I said was it is what it is. I love him. I chose him and our relationship over the toxicity of me and the other person relationship. and it's just like I've been alone ever since. it's my birthday month. and the only thing I'm looking forward to is a little girl who has the same birth date as me. I honestly don't care about "my day" I haven't been able to do a handful of things that I really wanted to do so I'm very disappointed in myself for expecting people to really have me the way I had them. I'm tired bro. I'm really, REAALLY Done. plus my health has been somewhat improving but also deteriorating because I'm so stressed out. it's crazy. I went from 160 pounds to 181 pounds in 2 months. like, I have not ever weighed this much. EVER. so yeah. here it is Ms. There for everybody else has only her parents and 3 siblings in her corner because no one else seems to GAF about me the way they say they do. I'm done fighting to be in people life. 😒 I'm hurting I'm tired I'm in pain I'm sick I'm angry I'm everything that I tried to ignore the last 10 years of my life and this is the price of it. I NO LONGER CARE!!!!!!!!!!! FIGHT FOR ME IF YOU WANT ME IN YOUR LIFE. I'm tired of saving everyone but myself.

Depression

Restlessness and Agitation

Anxiety (Including GAD)

Numbness

Diabetes Type 1 (T1D)

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  • Brooke.pilch

    77d

    Do you feel like you've reached a point of apathy? Almost like a sense of emotional numbness because you are just tired of giving, giving, giving? That is what I felt I read in your post. If you feel more comfortable messaging me directly, please do so! Sometimes that feels better! I know I always try to make everyone else's birthday so special... almost each and everyday I try to make my loved ones feel loved.. so I can't imagine the feeling of feeling forgotten by a loved one especially a best friend, a boyfriend or waiting on someone to be told, "I love you". I can understand why that might push a person to a point of "not caring". Or needing to have a loved one to fight for a role back in your life. Earning a spot back.. after feeling abused and used for so long. It is okay to be angry and feel hurt and after SO long of mistreatment.. it seems like the only coping mechanism is to no long care. You DO need to prioritize yourself first and foremost, especially with the hardships you ALREADY have to face on a daily and nearly MINUTE TO MINUTE basis 💙 I am sorry you have to face this, but you are not alone, even when you feel you are. I don't know where you are ( I am not asking either, I get that is creepy, but I am here for you, you can always message me, wherever you are)

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