Coping with the Loss of My Mother

I'm just gonna say it... I miss my mama ....alright. life feels out of place without her, I wish I could call her n talk to her again....I wish I could go see her...having her not here doesn't feel the same...I know it'll get easier to cope, as the months go by it'll just get easier to deal with... but I would give my entire life up if it meant I could bring mama back... I'll forever be your little girl, and I hope to see you again someday..save me a spot on your permanent vacation on the beach, I'll sit beside you to talk, I'll show you all the cool seashells.. I'll be okay again, cause honestly I'm tired of faking it...without you mama I don't know how to live or what to do...i really do miss you mama..🥺 I've not been okay, I keep acting like things are okay, things will get better. the last time I was in this dark place, the only help I accepted was being locked in a mental hospital. nobody talks about her. nobody even mentions her name. but she is forever trapped in my head and my heart. I feel like I need medical help, be locked in a padded room, white walls...just to find some help or to even feel safe again.