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decemberbaby

480d

this is gonna be a long one.. sorry in advance. tw for identity issues with bpd im in love with my best friend that i met in college. unfortunately i had to drop out of my course so i dont see him at all at this point. we confessed to eachother a week before thanksgiving, which i know is really hard for him (the holidays) and i thought everything was fine for a couple days until he completely stopped replying to me and i have no idea why. last week he posted a link for an anonymous messaging app and i said, through the app, "you're my favorite person 💜" with my signature purple heart emoji thinking it would be a giveaway for him without it being obvious to others. and he posted a response on his story talking about how he has borderline personality disorder and that hes so sorry but that i should probably find someone else to take on that role and that i should get some help so i can help make better and stronger relationships in my future. and i dont think he really knew it was me because he was under the influence but man did that hurt. i do understand that bpd is very complex so i dont want to make assumptions but i dont really understand the nitty gritty of how it can alter someone's state of being. a friend of mine gave me some insight that he knows he has feelings for me but knows that he probably isnt whats best for me. he will not communicate with me at all. and this is bringing my anxiety to an all-time high and is making me feel very insecure and unworthy. the only thing he has said to me was he sent me a heart emoji. i am also going through a whole ton of my own stuff but not being able to speak with the person i love along with other things is making existing very hard for me right now. i just dont understand what i did wrong and if its even me at all. i guess i just want someone to give me an unbiased point of view because this is breaking my heart so much. thank you on advance to whoever read this 💜

    • spatula

      479d

      Also 'favourite person' is a thing that can happen with BPD where you're not just the person someone thinks of as their best friend but you are someone they can rely on for everything. I am my friend favourite person and it can be so hard for both of us and at times just that alone has put a huge strain on our friendship. They are very regularly convinced that I am going to leave them and that I hate them and even though the logical part of their brain knows thats not the case it makes them so anxious to the point of crying/panic attacks etc. Please feel free to message me if you need any support, I'm not an expert but I'm here if you need to talk ✨

    • spatula

      479d

      That is such a tough situation but you've spoken about it here so brilliantly. Loving someone with BPD is a really tricky one. My best friend has BPD and I have seen first hand how much it affects them on a daily basis is so many different ways. They need constant reassurance because they have a really hard time with emotional permanence even though they know I love them they are so often convinced that I completely hate them. I am very lucky that they are quite good at talking about it sometimes but I know that there is still a lot of things I know they can't talk about. I really hope you get the answers you're looking for from your friend.

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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