Struggling with Shame and Disgust Towards My Bisexuality

I did not typo-check this post 🥴 oops

I feel a ton of shame and confusion about my sexuality. I am attracted to men and women, but have a lot of fear about intimacy. The idea of being with men intimately is very upsetting to me, but I am unsure if it is because of my trauma or if I’m just not sexually attracted to most people. I was sexually abused as a young child by a slightly older male family member and it went on for many years. Most of the memories are repressed but occasionally pop up in flashbacks.

I'm bi and I feel this

I'm so sorry. I can't say I feel your pain but I have a disgust myself. I was introduced to sexual things when I was really little by my cousin who is a year older. I don't like those memories or partaking in that stuff at like 7 or 8. I'm bi. I don't feel comfortable pleasing others. Like it makes me sick to think of oral with anyone. I'm scared. It doesn't sit right with me. And I fear my future partner thinking I'm selfish when it isn't that. That past and my OCD just don't agree. And I'm not going to lie. But if they don't understand, that's them. A real partner who loves and respects you will understand and acknowledge that you just aren't ok with that.

There's nothing to be ashamed of. Your specialty and trauma are both valid and understandable on why you avoid such things. One day you'd be ready for being with people in that way but it's not time. Take the time to heal first and worry on your sexuality later. It is easier said than done but the pieces will come together when ready.