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spicysugar

472d

doing your best is already enough. but what if im not? what if I can tell I'm not doing my best? what if I can tell I'm one step off from doing my worst and either self destructing or becoming a bully again, or in this case abusive? I've decided that no matter what, if I go down I'm not taking anyone else with me. I'll self destruct before I become abusive. but I also know it dosent work that way, and abusive people don't always realize what they're doing until it's too late. how do I know? I don't want to pester my partner about it, that can be agitating and can also turn abusive like "say I'm not abusive" vibes, but what if I genuinely want them to tell me? if I am, I want to leave. I want them to have a happy fulfilling, healthy, amazing life and if I hinder that than I don't want to be a part of it. they tell me I make their life better. they tell me that I'm a good person. but people have said that in the past and later said I was being abusive. I don't know what to think. I don't know what to do. and now im worried that they'll see this and get sad that I think that they believe I'm abusive to them. it's not that I I think it's what they think. they have done nothing to tell me I'm being abusive, I don't think. but I am saying that sometimes love makes people blind-- in the worst of ways. and if that's what's happening, I want to solve it. I want to fix it. and the only way to do that is to leave. I desperately don't want to leave. I love them so much. but I love them so much. so I want to leave.

Top reply
    • Korrina

      471d

      i can’t add too much, but I know you appear extremely terrified of taking the wrong steps. I’d just like to commend you for all the good steps you’re taking to take care of yourself and the people around you.

    • Korrina

      471d

      i can’t add too much, but I know you appear extremely terrified of taking the wrong steps. I’d just like to commend you for all the good steps you’re taking to take care of yourself and the people around you.

    • SeerClub

      472d

      You aren’t abusive. Trust me. You needing my help is not abusive. You are always there when I need it and you always make me feel better when I’m sad. You never put me down as an awful person but point out when I make mistakes. I love that about you. You are an amazing person and you aren’t abusive. And I know you weren’t looking for me to comment on this but I will say f you on that. I love you and you need to know it. You ARE NOT abusive.

    • kirstyelly

      472d

      If you can, try talking to a therapist or some other unbiased third-party you trust. I will say that abusive/bad people don’t worry wether they’re abusive/bad

      • spicysugar

        472d

        @kirstyelly I have a therapist but she canceled our set appointment times because I missed a couple appointments (I have bad memory issues). I don't really have another unbiased third party either sadly. I'm looking forward to our next appointment but it's on the 28th of this month sadly, so I just have to wait it out I suppose. I appriciate that though. My only concern is my mother is constantly asking me if I think she's abusive and my dad says she genuinely cries about it at night, but everything points to yes, that she is abusive and has been in the past aswell. I'm just worried for that type of situation ever happening

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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