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384d
I need dating advice. I've gone 3 dates now with this guy in one week! Talk about exhaustion lol! So he's really nice and sweet like he paid for our first date at an expensive Italian restaurant of my choice and then on our second date we went on a picnic date and he prepared this huge, extravagant snack plate of cheese and crackers, fruit, nuts, etc. Then tonight he paid for our movie at the theater (don't worry y'all, I've been picking up tabs too like drinks after dinner on the first date and snacks on this movie date). He's attractive and charming. There's a catch though and I'm wondering if I'm just being too picky and my expectations are too high or if you'd be thinking twice too. He doesn't ask me hardly any questions and constantly interrupts me. I find it very rude because I ask lots of questions to get to know him and he doesn't ask me any or even the same one back. When he interrupts it's to talk about himself. This is getting really annoying as it has happened on all of our dates. I'm not sure how to feel about him because of this. He sounds like a dream guy otherwise but those two things are bothering me so much that I wonder if this is worth continuing.
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Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)
Bipolar Disorder
Anxiety (Including GAD)
Depression
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Always, and I mean *always* trust your gut.
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383d
This sounds like he’s trying to buy his way into the relationship without having to do the emotional work of actually getting to know you, connect with you, etc. He is clearly interested on some level, but that’s a really really bad indicator of what you’re most likely to get from him in the future—nice dates and little to no consideration of your personality, wants, likes, needs, etc., or emotional engagement/care. There’s a chance there’s another explanation, but it’d be a hard no for me.
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He sounds like my ex, who was a total narcissist. He doesn't do anything for YOU if he doesn't care to know YOU. For people like that it's just about presenting a show that may later glorify him. Run.
Maybe try subtly suggesting it to him like when he interrupts you say "I wasn't done talking" make sure to keep an eye on it
Honestly that many dates in one week and doing so many things while not actually caring to know about you sounds a lot like love bombing, I would trust your gut he sounds manipulative at the very least.
So update everyone: his response was toxic and manipulative saying things like "why did I put in so effort? So it's all my fault, huh?" And I wasn't going to put up with it so I told him I was just trying to have a constructive conversation with him and that this was getting toxic so I'm gonna head out and I went ahead and blocked him.
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@poodlelover28 proud of you for this
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To start off, being choosy/picky is good! It means you're not willing to lower your expectations and won't accept being treated any less than you know you deserve to be treated! But, secondly, always, always trust your intuition!!!! Your gut feeling never lies. What kind of person talks only about themselves? What kind of person doesn't reciprocate within conversations? Does he think he's such hot shit that only he matters? Shouldn't he be asking about YOU and your thoughts, feelings, and life in general? Honestly, you should call him out on this and find out what's behind it. He sounds too into himself and if that's the case, that's the kind of red flag I'd be watching out for. Take care & let us know how it goes! 😊
@B3B3 I talked to him about it and he says I do the same so I apologized for that but then he feels like I don't talk much anymore and I told him it's because I feel like I have to carry the conversation.
Red flag for sure. I would not go on anymore dates
Sounds like love bombing to me!
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Run for the hills now. You saw a red flag.
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see I've tried to do that thing where I pick up where I last was when he interrupted me but then he does it again! So then I just give up because I feel like what I have to say isn't important to him 😔
I would talk to him about it and express your concerns. A real man would have this conversation and if not RUN FOR THE HILLS !
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It's completely valid to want your date to be interested in you, after all you're potentially joining a partnership where you're supposed to be equals. With the information given, I think there's a few reasons: 1.) He could be chatty when he's nervous, and/or feels like sharing a story of his own that relates to yours will help show you that he's understanding what you're saying (even though cutting you off negates that, but that leads to point 2) 2.) A lot of men genuinely do not release this is something they're doing. I am transgender, and had been the woman in conversations for 19 years, and yet within 5 years of starting my transition I have to actively work to make sure I'm not interrupting people. I don't know how I got like this, I'm working with my therapist on it. A good trick for this is to just continue to restart the same sentence that you got interrupted, until they release what they're doing (or just talk about it but 🤷🏼) 3.) It could be a red flag that he may not see you as an equal in a partnership, but wants to control it. If he doesn't care to learn about you, it's not likely YOU he's trying to date, it's anyone like you who'll put up with him. If you otherwise enjoy his company, I'd recommend just bringing it up and depending on how he responds maybe work out a system to help remind him to listen, as silly as it sounds. Be safe, trust your gut, if it doesn't feel right it probably isn't.
Talk to him about it, he probably doesn’t realize what he’s doing and just wants to talk to a girl he like, coming from experience because I used to do this all the time without realizing it, guys can be aloof. Just let him know how you feel and if it continues then you might want to consider the possibility things may not work out between y’all
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Maybe he is neurodivergent? The whole point of dating is getting to know someone and if something is bothering you, no matter the reason then follow your gut. It's not being too picky. And standards and boundaries are incredibly important.
I'm going to be a broken record about it don't settle
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The wining and dining can be very charming and romantic....at first. I don't like the sound of this dude. The two things that are bothering you are very important things and I'm glad you picked up on it. I agree with the above comments. Listen to your gut. Don't get too invested....
Personally I would walk away. I'm ending a 4 year relationship currently because of that issue. It doesn't change. Speaking from experience.
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That sounds really nice! If it was me though, those two things you mentioned would be red flags for me too😔 Maybe there’s a beginning dating reason for it, like he really like you!! But I would keep an eye on it 🤗
☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision
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