Feeling Unsafe Everywhere

I know my car and room are basically always somewhat messy, but it's partially because I don't feel safe anywhere. Nowhere I've stayed for the past couple of years has felt like home or like somewhere I was safe (besides haven house). Nowhere I've been for the past bit has ever felt like it was mine, I always feel like everything that is mine, even if it's not a physical object, could just be taken away at any point and I wouldn't be able to stop it or do anything. Makes it really hard for me to feel safe or comfortable sorting things and whatever, because no matter what I can't give them a permanent spot since it feels like nothing is permanent/long term. I also just absolutely hate people observing me. I just want to close myself off of everything, and close everything off from me. I want to disappear somewhere where I am safe and things and the place is/are truly mine. I don't want anyone to find me, and I don't want anyone to see me. I just want to disappear into my own head away from everyone. I don't want to exist, I just want to float in space, be buried in the dirt with plant roots, I don't want my physical body and the universe it inhabits