Is it okay for your partner to call self-harm selfish?

i don't think it's ever right to call the symptoms and struggles of someone's mental health battles selfish. often it's not controllable, and even if it was, it's often caused by immense, constant emotional pain that others on the outside simply have not experienced first-hand. i think labelling self-harm as selfish is a judgment of a condition they don't understand like you or i do. to me, it'd be like being told that not waking up at regular hours is selfish, not completing schoolwork is selfish, ranting in long journal entries is selfish—all difficult effects of my depression that i cannot help in the moment. i'd encourage you to really have a heart-to-heart convo with your s/o to understand where they're coming from and perhaps also share why it's not a matter of selfishness. and, yes, SII is the correct tag for this app. it doesn't have a separate self-harm tag. hope you're doing well, OP ♡