Heartbroken after a mutual breakup

I just broke up with my boyfriend, ut was both of us who said it but I never wanted to. if that makes sense. but I've been very selfish but very understanding with him, before we broke up, we took a break I was trying to me the relationship better. until I was happy enough to say hi to him but he was disappointed in me, recently I asked him if it's possible we could be together when we're older (he lives 4,000 miles away which makes it unbelievable hard) I've never felt such a heart break I've been crying for days. just thinking about rhe pretty words he's told me makes me cry so hard I can't see a damn thing. it hurts to much. idk what to do anymore.