Embracing My Flaws: A Journey to Self-Acceptance

trying to lean into dialectics. because of worries about being seen as immoral, even in smaller contexts, and the surrounding fear of conflict or having things taken away, i am defensive about whatever might be an accusation against that. i end up seeing myself as one-sided. "i'm not lazy, i'm just tired and fatigued" etc. no, i'm lazy too. but being lazy does not preclude me from being fatigued and trying to conserve my energy, even in the same action. trying to lean into the idea of being evil, and seeing it as a positive thing. trying to ditch the idea of living a moral and correct life, being a "good person", and living a valuable life instead. i am selfish, greedy, stubborn, picky, verbose, and those are all strengths despite also being considered flaws. the reason no longer matters. i have a history with being called selfish, greedy, and entitled. i've been ditched by being called selfish, i've been called greedy with the intent to make me feel shame, and i've been called entitled in order to discredit my beliefs about myself. i want to embrace these traits. i believe i deserve a good life, and i believe others do as well, to the point that i'm willing to fight for our rights. that belief of entitlement to a good life is why i always try and help others in their understanding of themselves, because i believe it will help them live happier lives. my selfishness is a need to keep myself afloat. it's what kicks in when i stop holding judgements of my own wants and needs and protects me from being taken advantage of. my greed is the thing that brings me happiness, and it doesn't disprove my want to share with others. it lets me take from others when my past experiences scream that i can't, that i only deserve the value of what i can independently create. i am a witch. not especially in the pagan sense, though it is technically true. i am a witch because i am sinful, beautiful, powerful, childish, dangerous, colourful, dark, a loner, needy, melancholic, seductive. i don't act based on others' expectations. i am true to myself. i prefer plants and animals to people. i am curious and witty. i use my power to create in ways that align with my values. this as a post is selfish, too. it's about affirmations to myself, not really about requesting or giving help. at the same time i hope it can give meaning to someone who needs to hear it as much as i do.