Ziggy_B

72d

Anyone else have this problem? My family has a history of alcoholism and my mom was the most recent. Now I won't even touch alcohol or any other substance. Never used anything or drank anything. I just won't do it. I feel like if I did, I'd end up like them. I already see the addict tendencies in my everyday life. Like with food or something else I really like. I lack that self control. That mixed with my mental health and it doesn't turn out well. Sometimes when I open my fridge and see alcohol, I feel this buzzing in my head. It's weird, it's almost electric. I feel this compulsion to drink it. I don't feel curious about it at any point in my everyday life but something about when I'm alone and see it just sitting there. It's usually when I'm not feeling well mentally. I don't know what that is but it's like it's calling to me. it's almost like I feel like I can't avoid it. it's everywhere. My mom is an alcoholic and now an ex smoker. My dad is still addicted to cigarettes and recently picked up a vape with an ungodly amount of nicotine and is an ex drinker even though he will drink once every blue moon. My parents are now suffering health issues because of their addictions and this isn't the first time I've seen it. my grandma, my great uncle, my cousin, and so on. it's horrible and I don't want that for myself. I know how it makes you act, what it can make you do and the trauma it has caused me. I have a nephew on the way soon and I don't want his aunt to be unreliable or an addict. I want to give him an aunt that I didn't have and that he deserves. I don't want him to feel let down like I have an realize the people you thought you could trust aren't who you thought they were. That the people you grew up admiring are just so messed up.

Complex post traumatic stress disorder

Depression

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Child emotional/psychological abuse

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