I just need help. even though I've been diagnosed by the specialized psychiatrists, I still feel like I'm lying to everyone around me about DID. Sometimes I wonder if I'm so good at lying that I'm actually causing myself to hallucinate. Am I pretending and believing myself? Or is this really actually real? Anybody else dealing with this?
Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID)
I have this paranoia all the time. I call it that because it leads me to extreme conspiracy theories about myself and others. Sometimes I convince myself I'm lying. I'm a teacher, so I'll convince myself my Littles are just me pretending to be a student of mine (which I know is a lie to myself but still) I've convinced myself at times that my psych team is experimenting on me to see if they could trick a patient into faking DID. I convince myself I never had trauma to begin with.
From my understanding, this is a huge side-effect/symptom of DID as a whole. It's a covert disorder designed to keep things secret from yourself to keep yourself safe, that's why we fragmented in the first place. Of course your system will try to convince you you're lying, you're not supposed to know about the system in the first place.
I feel this way constantly. ❤️
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