Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother and Disordered Eating

Narcissists always have a problem with boundaries, speaking as someone w NPD and a dad with traits though he's never seen a damn therapist so we will never really know with him. I think she may be upset with your boundaries because she feels you might be making a personal attack on her. Anything negative is usually taken as a personal attack. It always has to deal with shame. "I can't talk about eating? You're saying I'm a bad person for bringing this up." That's probably what she's thinking. Takes a long time to fix those thoughts. I haven't gotten very far myself. In any case, if she won't change, she won't change. I have tried every single tactic with my dad and nothing has worked. You're right that it's essentially living with a projecting child. NPD or just the traits doesn't really have a very high relation to emotional maturity. She has her own problems to work through but that doesn't mean you have to be her punching bag. I really hate when people have those traits and do nothing about it. Even trying to do something about it is hard but it's better than sitting there and continuing to be dysfunctional. Wish you the best. If she's not helping herself I recommend just distancing yourself from her when you can. No helping someone who will not work on their mental illness/traits, regardless of what mental illness it is.

Thank you so much for sharing your story <3 it's so wild and eye opening how those phrases our mothers repeated, and the actions that followed, are deep into our lives. It's really hard for me. I am a yogi and dog walker who also lifts weights. Vegan lol. So I think it's pretty easy for me to look lean. She gives me once overs and I don't like it you know, and usually around the time I get those once overs, we fight. I had just finished a yoga practice where I noticed I had so much cellulite and you know I LOVE IT cause my thighs are amazing and help me do SO MUCH! I try to not let her get me down. Your words and story helped. I'm proud of you for who you are today!!! You kick butt. :)

My mom isn’t quite this bad but she definitely grew up when eating disorder culture can super popular. She’ll say things like “wow, I could never eat that much!” And it gets on my nerves because although I’ve never had a body image or weight based ED, I do have ARFID and struggle with new textures, smells, and flavors. So for her to comment about what I’m eating kind of takes away from the accomplishment that I AM eating an nourishing my body. I went through I time in high school where I was so scared of throwing up that I was eating one or two baby foods a day and was so weak I could only walk to and from the bathroom. You got this 💪