The Pain of Not Being Recognized as a Widow

I struggle a lot with feelings of invalidation regarding the passing of my fiancé. It really bothers me when people tend to minimize the significance of our relationship simply because we weren't married when he passed away. Even though we were planning our wedding and we're as far as having a venue and photographer booked and my wedding dress bought. We had been in a relationship and living together longer than many married people have been. We were in the process of planning our wedding so we had already announced our plan to marry. Yet, I'm not treated like a "real" widow. Sometimes I feel as though it's frowned upon if I even permit myself to identify as such. I was excluded entirely from his obituary and his family has worked to essentially erase my existence from his life. I've learned that people relate engagements closer to casual relationships than being married. Especially when people refer to him as my "ex-boyfriend." I absolutely hate when they define the love of my life so frivolously because it feels like the loss is being equated to something such as a petty break up.