Moving on without him: A story of grief and new beginnings

Tomorrow morning at 10:00 a.m. our time we will be signing our lease. We will be moving into our new place on October 1st 2022. Honestly, to tell you the truth... I'm a little apprehensive, anxious, but really excited. Is it odd so early since my husband's passing that I have now entered into the anger face of grieving? I look at the new place and I'm not as excited as I expected to be. It's because this place has everything that he, myself, and our girlfriend had wanted in a place. In a home. We're going to have our cat and I'm getting a puppy Sunday. Everything's going right for me and my girlfriend. But I keep cycling back to the anger and saying that none of this is fair. Our boyfriend/husband should be here. We should all be happy together at the new place! He shouldn't have passed away due to shitty housing or a horrible landlord not taking care of the shitty housing! None of this should be going on without him! It isn't fair! We just want him back happy and healthy! I don't know which emotion is stronger. The anger or anxiety, but definitely not the happiness. I'm grateful for all the things that everyone around us is doing. Between HUD, a couple of churches, and even our friends. I truly am grateful and so is our girlfriend. But everything just doesn't seem complete without him. We're also going to be having his memorial October 26th with our therapy lgbtq support group. (We are part of the LGBTQIA mafia.) We're all going to wear Halloween costumes, because my husband was obsessed with Halloween. He was just as much obsessed as I am! I'm going to try to dress up myself. (Being 33- I can sometimes act like a kid.) I just hope my husband is as proud as I think he is of me. Because it's been super hard since he's passed. Between being angry and scared.😵‍💫 Because of my anxiety I've been leaning on our girlfriend a whole lot. She's been a trooper, she really gets what it's like to hurt. We've been in all of this together, missing our man and being homeless. Right now... she's in denial about his passing. She's hoping he'll come back, that he's not really gone. I wish I could help her. But I was in denial for the first week after my husband's passing. I barely made it through. I wish I knew how to help her feel better, but I don't I don't know how to even make me feel better.