Feeling Unattached to My Safe Person

it's hard to say for sure but I can say that I've been in your situation. bpd makes me perceive my friends as demons sometimes, people who are just toying with me and never truly cared for me. this couldn't be further from the truth, and yet my mind will do everything it can to convince me it is. try to see the situation clearly did they ignore you multiple times you say you feel like you always mess everything up. I feel like that too sometimes, and I tend to think my mistakes are a much, much bugger deal than they are and fear all my friends will leave me because of simple things like a joke falling flat or talking over someone. right now I can see the world clearly, but in mere days this could change. tl;dr, try to see the world clearly, there's a chance your mind is paranoid. one of the best things you can do in this situation, from personal experience, is talk to the person you worry about. tell them about bod if you haven't already, and ask them where you are in their life. it can be agonizing, ive been there, but knowing if the mistakes you've made are actually enough for them to want to ignore you. Feel free to explain further, this may not be addressing what you're feeling but if it is I hope it helps.

Probably depends on the circumstances.