I'm so sorry to hear this but I know that place. Here is something my therapist taught me when I was suicidal that may or may not help, idk. Where you are right now is in the middle of the ocean there is nothing around and you've been swimming or treading water for miles. You've done good but now you're tired and there's still no hope in sight. Don't tire yourself out, if you do you'll drown in these feelings. It's time to flip on your back and just float and stare at the sky. Say fuck it to whatever you're "supposed" to be doing about depression for the moment, and just be ok with floating in a space of nothingness. Eventually some piece of "driftwood" will come along, something to help you overcome the next stage of your depression. Eat treats you're not supposed to just because they make you feel good, watch whatever you want for however long, call out sick from work, buy nice things for yourself. It's not going to fix the huge problem or get you to shore, but it can help you float for a moment until something else, anything else, comes along. Sorry if this was weird and confusing but I hope it helps.💕🤗

I know how you feel I fight daily just to get up but I’m my mothers full time caregiver so I have to make myself . You are not alone feel free to reach out or vent anytime . I have finally signed up for counseling and start Tuesday hoping it helps me this time .