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bucketofcowboys

619d

I just want to vent about something, this isn't directly related my my depression, sorry. My house is filled with death. In the span of a year I lost two pets of mine, a parakeet named Azzie who was only a year old and the first pet that was my own (parakeets are supposed to live 15 years... she was injured in an accident and died while I was at school) and a dog named Indy (I had that dog since I was 5). Both deaths had a heavy toll on me. I had never had anyone in my life die before then. And for both of them I have drawings, a paw indent from Indy before he died, Azzies old toys and a painted rock put on top of where I buried her. All momentos to their lives. A few months ago I had to deal with another death. The death of my father after he took his own life. Now I have more death to surround me. his old clothes, pictures of him, urns, drawings, just his general presence in my life the past 16 years. I had my friends over for my seventeenth birthday party the other day and that made my realize that my house is just filled with death. pictures on the walls and momentos to everyone that has died. I wondered if my friends saw. I wondered if they felt bad for me. The entirety of my high school years have just been tragedy after tragedy. honestly, I don't know if I want my friends to pity me. I don't realize how horrific my life is until they tell me how amazing their lives are. ever since my dad died I have to take 5 separate pills before I go to bed just to live a peaceful life. I had to start antidepressants because living my every day life felt like hell. I just want my life to be normal like them. I want to be happy like them.

    • Marie8690

      619d

      I'm sorry for your loss I don't know if my advice will help but I understand losing someone I've lost my grandparents mom father aunt's uncles and 2 of my sisters in the span of ten years I shared my birthday with my mom I lost one of my sisters 2 days after a birthday few years ago and sometimes the only thing that helps is remembering something happy about them and talking about that moment til your blue in the face or until slight smile or a feeling of peace comes to you it's hard at first to do but before you know it. Can become a way of coping with the loss hope this helps P.s. my mom's favorite saying was I'll finally get to garden and drink my coffee in peace she'd always smile she started saying that after they found out the cancer was to bad to treat and one of my sister's favorite songs was I pray for you she used to play it when ever she was mad

    • Alexis.7

      619d

      If you ever need to vent abt something private you can always message me, I'll be there for you

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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