See Alike in...

Alike App

Browser

Squishlover

563d

So I'm frustrated with my bf like he's off today and so am I. IlIm not feeling to well and my car needs a battery. Like if I asked him to help me take it I'm sure he would say he can't or something. Is it wrong for me to think he should help ? like I need help? he doesn't really help me with much ever. we've been dating 4 years and I'm starting to feel like it's not working or like he doesn't really want to be with me for the right reasons. It's gonna break my heart if we split. On the other side I know he's working 2 jobs and takes care of his mom. it's just he has nothing left for me. So I start to feel selfish when I want him to give me time and help me. I don't know what to do.

Top reply
    • Dezmari

      556d

      @Squishlover In my opinion, you need to be happy especially being a single mother. I was in a relationship like that and I ended up hurting my kid more in the long run with him seeing me and my guy argue and me depressed and sad. I was wanting my boyfriends attention so much to where I didn’t see that I was not paying my son the attention that he needed and deserved. And once I broke up with that guy it took time to move on with my life, but when I did, I was the happiest I’d ever been and the mother I should have been that whole time. Your man is more than likely Narcissist and you deserve way better for yourself and your child. It’s better to be single than with someone that brings you down instead of bringing out the better part of yourself

    • UPPERCaseGentleman

      557d

      ❤️ I remember one of my first dates with this girl I dated was me doing a brake job and tune-up on her car. She was at a mutual friend's party and was nice enough to drop me off, but there was no way I was letting a woman drive around every day with the car in that shape. I grabbed some tools and showed up the next day. I swear, every time I took her out she yapped about that to everyone. She was a real sweetie. Boy did I let that one get away.

    • Squishlover

      561d

      The reason I came here. about my relationship is because my anxiety and depression get in the way of my confidence and decision making. it's hard for me to know if I'm being reasonable. I've never had a healthy relationship because of my mental health. He's not all bad and sometimes I push him away because I can be needy and need reassurance. But anyway thanks for everyone that tried to help me. I never think we should tear anyone down for any reason. life is hard enough

      • EatenByWormy

        561d

        @Squishlover Have you looked into attachment types? I think it might help you if not. I’ve had problems with just strangling the life out of whatever relationship I had because I was hurting so much internally that I couldn’t figure out what I deserved. I thought if I held on harder, the anxiety would fade. It did not. It took a while to get here, but I finally ended up with someone who would respond to my requests for reassurance with confirmation and patience. THAT is what helped me figure out healthy ways to express and receive love. When you don’t have a solid foundation, it’s hard to build on. Someone doesn’t have to be all bad for you to deserve better. 💕 Wishing you luck💕

        • Phoenix.Afrodita

          561d

          @EatenByWormy 💯 This, @Squishlover! Looking into Attachment Styles, Inner Child work and CPTSD are the things that have definitely helped me the most. I’d also like to recommend Patrick Teahan and The Crappy Childhood Fairy on YouTube. Really helpful material and very well presented. Hope this helps! 😊💖

    • Dezmari

      561d

      Hell no it’s not wrong.

    • IAmHer

      562d

      @Squishlover I hope things get better for you! If you need to talk or need somebody to just listen, you can always message me directly. I won’t judge, I understand, and I can relate.

    • IAmHer

      562d

      @Winterlyn for somebody who has mental health issues, deals with suicidal thoughts, and posts about certain things that bother you, you are a very judgmental person. And a woman at that. Live and let live. If you don’t like a post, continue to scroll. It’s really that easy. Telling others what they can’t do on a forum, that’s pretty low. Especially coming from somebody who posts all the time about their own issues and what they feel like. You might want to consider why you are here, because if you are here for the support from others, don’t lecture anybody else when they do the same. As a person who’s in their 60’s you might be a lot older than some of the other forum members, but obviously you being older doesn’t mean you are on some sort of wisdom pedestal. Nor does it mean you need to go on a rant about their issues when yours are quiet similar.

      • E_belli

        561d

        @IAmHer 💯% yes. Well put, thank you. @squishlover don't listen to her. As if you can, block her. This is a safe place except for ppl like her. Talk/vent about whatever you need to. I'm sorry you're going through that. Relationships are hard. I think it is natural to want your partner to help. And you shouldn't have to go out of your way to ask. You're not selfish one bit. It doesn't sound like you're asking too much. It sounds like he needs to reassess his priorities (whatever comes of that) and make time for you if that is what he thinks is important. If not, then he needs to tell you so you can move on and find someone that gives you the help and is attentive to your needs no matter how hard that may be. But talking to him about this is important no matter what the outcome. Good luck deary, if you need anything, my msgs are open.

    • Legoman511

      562d

      @winterlyn you seem obsessed with this for some reason. You arent adding anything productive to this conversation. If you can’t understand the correlation between mental health issues and relationship issues, I feel sorry for you. The two go hand-in-hand, and I know this from personal experience. My mental health issues kept me from seeing just how horribly I was being treated by my ex-wife, and that sounds awfully similar to @squishlover

    • MemeLupie

      562d

      Nothing wrong with wanting help. But if you don’t ask you won’t know for sure. And technically not his problem. The fact that he doesn’t offer, & is aware of the problem, is a red flag. Is he already overwhelmed with mom & jobs?

      • Squishlover

        562d

        @MemeLupie I do ask for help. I think because my house is messy he thinks I don't care. I'm just overwhelmed. he could be also he's just less verbal about his stuff. when he gets overwhelmed he gets mad at me and snaps tells me I have too many issues.

    • FairyPrincesss

      562d

      When you said you have to accept how he is or move on I felt that deeply. I'm going through the same type of thing. My guy isn't now nor will he ever be a super helpful put someone else first kind of guy. That's ok with me to a point but when it starts making me feel like an inconvenience or etc it starts to become a pretty big issue. I hate that bullshit of well what do you do for me? That is their way if deflecting everything back at you to make you feel bad for even bringing it up. I'm in a mood today so take that into account with my reply btw.

      • Squishlover

        562d

        @FairyPrincesss no I feel the same way it's a way to gaslight me. like we barely ever go on dates it's like all he wants is sex. he says it's not true and he would prove it. well anytime I give him a hard time about it ilhe turns it into a big deal. like for example we are both off today. sooo why can't we go on a date or help me with my car. he's always helping his mom which I get but, I'll never be his priority and I can't change that. so nprob gonna break up with him. I mean I've mentioned how I feel often and I allow him to continue to treat me the way I don't want to be treated. it would almost be easier if he cheated cuz then I'd have a real reason

        • FairyPrincesss

          558d

          @Squishlover I say things like that about my guy. Would be easier if he hit me or chested. Then at least maybe my brain would say ok let go. Move on. We never have sex. It's always an excuse but yet he wants oral. Just for him tho and then I'm childish if I say something about having needs as well. We go out but it has to be somewhere he wants to go. Something he wants to show me. Which is sweet but id like to do things I pick sometimes. Ugh it's hard. I hope you figure out the best choice for you. It really does sound like he isn't willing or capable of giving you what you need unfortunately.

        • Phoenix.Afrodita

          561d

          @Squishlover The fact that your needs aren’t being met is definitely a real and good enough reason to leave… A big one too! Your needs matter. You matter! 💖

    • Squishlover

      562d

      He knows about it I told him last night. ilhe didn't even ask if I got home ok. he was at work. I mean he knows I'm an independent women but I've talked to him about stuff before and that sometimes I need help. He likes me because I am independent but I want someone who can help me with life stuff. I feel like an inconvenience to him. Even to take me on a date it just doesn't happen anymore. He can blame his schedule but I'm a believer if you want to do something you'll make time for it. I don't know what to do we've talked he said he'll take me out and it never happens. he says he loves me but he's not showing me. he'll say well what do you do for me? I'm a single mom I dunno plus he doesn't ask me for help I ask him. I love him but he's not giving me what I want in a relationship. I either have to accept how he is or move on I guess.

      • Dezmari

        556d

        @Squishlover In my opinion, you need to be happy especially being a single mother. I was in a relationship like that and I ended up hurting my kid more in the long run with him seeing me and my guy argue and me depressed and sad. I was wanting my boyfriends attention so much to where I didn’t see that I was not paying my son the attention that he needed and deserved. And once I broke up with that guy it took time to move on with my life, but when I did, I was the happiest I’d ever been and the mother I should have been that whole time. Your man is more than likely Narcissist and you deserve way better for yourself and your child. It’s better to be single than with someone that brings you down instead of bringing out the better part of yourself

    • Blessings04

      562d

      Hi Squishlover, In my opinion, If he knows your having a problem with the battery he should offer to take care of it (if he knows). However, take under concern how busy he is. Commutation is key! Talk with him and let him know you understand his position with work and his mom. You truly need help with this because the car is something you have to have safely running. This should work!! If not, we’ll it may be time for some heart searching unless it’s something he truly can’t do. Good luck 😊

    • Legoman511

      562d

      There is nothing selfish about wanting your significant other to spend quality time with you and help you occasionally with things you need help with.

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

Thank you! Your submission has been received!
Oops! Something went wrong while submitting the form.

Want to chat or share? Download the Alike app now and get complete access to Alike.health's unique features.

Find people who are
experiencing a similar
medical reality

100% Free
100%
Free

Download Alike for the full experience

JOIN

View All

Bupropion

night sweats

paranoid

Valium

sertraline

palpitations

Anxiety (Including GAD)

Depression

palpitations

Depression

Valium

Bupropion