Coping with BPD: Living with a Diagnosis and Grief

I found a lot of validation in my BPD diagnosis. My whole life I’ve had symptoms (mom died when I was 4) and they began while I was ~3 and only worsened until my diagnosis (21 yo). I literally was sitting in an Abnormal Psychology college course and as my prof listed off the DSM-V criteria everything clicked in my mind. At first I felt so scared of becoming “a statistic” and then I did some research and spoke with my therapist and found DBT. Both my diagnosis and finding DBT have given me so much hope. I am firm with my boundaries now and that has made it much easier to handle the waves of emotion that I experience so often. There are times where I trust someone to know my diagnosis and will tell them and then get a very negative reaction which throws me into a shame spiral. However, I know how far I’ve come and how much effort I’ve put in to coping with BPD. So, when someone reacts negatively it just pushes me to reinforce my boundaries and make more progress in my journey. Also, if DBT therapy is out of scope financially there are so many good workbooks that I’ve used to help me understand where my behaviors come from and how to cope with them. There is a natural grieving process that comes with getting a BPD diagnosis however I’ve really grown to see it as empowering because i know that there are options be them medication, therapy, or DBT workbooks. Please feel free to reach out if you want to chat more!

I was diagnosed when I was about 16. Technically, you aren’t supposed to be diagnosed until 18 for “developmental” reasons, but I hit all 9 characteristics. I’m turning 20 in a few months for reference. At first, it was really really hard to cope with something that has “worse” statistics compared to other mental illnesses, while also having those mental illnesses as well. Ultimately, remembering that it’s a trauma response helps me feel more valid. I’ve also been lucky that I can surround myself with people who support me and who understand the ups and downs associated with BPD. There are still days where it’s hard but that’s why I think this platform has the potential to do so much good. When I was first diagnosed, I was watching Crazy Ex Girlfriend and I found the show help in the way that it approached and handled the subject. It made me feel like I wasn’t as alone as I thought. Finally, I’ve found that reading/listening to people who have that “people with BPD are terrible” rhetoric are truly and willfully ignorant, please take that with a grain of salt as much as you can. There’s nothing inherently wrong with having BPD, it just means that you were probably exposed to traumas at a young age and your brain wired itself differently trying to protect us. At least that’s how I try to think of it when I don’t feel valid. Time and proper care helps heals wounds, don’t be afraid to reach out to me if you need anything, even just someone to listen or advice. I hope you have a great rest of your evening