I might not be able to go away for college. I don’t know if i’ll be able to live if i have to stay with my family. The only reason i’ve stayed alive this long is because i thought i would be able to cut them off

Suicidal ideation

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Child emotional/psychological abuse


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  • wish_i_was_debonair


    I’m exactly where you are right now, do to health issues, mental and physical, I missed a lot of school so I was held back, now due to other factors I’ve had to drop out of high school. Without finishing that, I’m unable to find a job that I could support myself with, but most importantly I can’t escape to college. My family is so freaking toxic and abusive and I’ve been able to leave it twice but had to return. I lived in a residential treatment center for two years and they were the best two years of my life, I was happy and safe, but when I graduated their program they sent me back to my family. And after almost two years of living with them again I made an attempt and was in psych ward for almost two weeks and the sad thing is that even surrounded by people that were “dangerous to themselves and others” I still felt safer there. So I went to live with different family members for six months but they couldn’t deal with my mental and physical health problems and so they sent me back to my family. I am miserable and I don’t know how I’m going to hold on, the only thing holding me together is that this isn’t forever, I won’t let it be. I’m not sure what is preventing you from leaving, but look at that as a temporary obstacle if that is possible, you will get out and then you can cut them off, I know it sucks to hear this because it also sucks to say this, but you have made it this far, don’t give up when your so close. Think about what you want out of life, and allow that to propel you forwards. People always thought I was crazy when they asked me what kept me going and I said my future kids. But I am committed to making sure that I can make people feel loved and safe in a way I didn’t. I want to impact as many people as I can while I’m alive and that’s not for fame or anything like that, it’s because I want to show people that even if the people who were supposed to love and care for you don’t, that dosent mean that no one will ever love and care about you. So if you can hold on to your dreams, allow them to motivate you and even though your still in the trenches just know that the end of the war with your parents is in sight. I’ve you can’t move out to college think about pursuing a degree online, you will be able to transfer credits to an in person school when that becomes an option and you won’t have missed out on years of education. I hope that things work out for the best and that you stay safe, you said you “might” not be able to go to college and I hope this isn’t overstepping, but if that changes to a you are definitely going I’m sure people on here would love to celebrate that and congratulate you so you could totally update us❤️ good luck🤞🏻

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