SunInAugust

136d

I want to talk a little bit about minority stress and intolerance a little bit. Almost every week on this app I see my fellow autistic people making a post about how they've been ghosted about how these significant and important social relationships in their lives have failed them or not allowed them to be their true selfs.

And I feel like so often we've internalized the message that it's our fault that if we were somehow not ourselves maybe we would be accepted. It creates so much internal conflict for me and so much grief in my life trying to beat myself into being something that I'll never be and shaming myself for some of the best parts of myself.

It was never my fault, it was never your fault, it was never any autistic person's fault. We should be able to be ourselves themselves we should be accepted for our differences we should be treasured for who we are. We shouldn't have to count the days left in our most significant relationships wondering when they are going to leave. We deserve to be understood and included and celebrated.

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

Chronic Generalized pain

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  • Elytra

    136d

    Complete agree! I've found that relationships with people who are also neurodivergent tend to be the most fulfilling and long lived. Neurotypicals just can't understand us like other ND people can.

    • SunInAugust

      136d

      man, I feel like even my ND friends dip. I really don't get why it happens but I wish them love from afar. Id love to say they are busy or we grew apart but they suddenly stop and remain in contact with others but me. But I know I'm a loving and gentle and kind person. Its hard and confusing and i gotta give myself space to grieve and feel and reconnect with new people when I'm ready. Very sad. Very hard.

  • xe

    136d

    I don’t think I’m flawed for being autistic because I know I’m a great person but I don’t think I can make friends like other people. This makes me feel like I’ve failed especially in comparison to my friends, some even autistic. Only by comparing myself to others do I find myself caring or when I think about the deep emotional and traumatic wound of all the abandonment I’ve experienced. I hate the concept of friendship because of the pain and the confusion. No one wants to be honest with their needs.

    • SunInAugust

      136d

      i feel this to my core. We are both worthy of love and consistency. As is. Trauma and abandonment wounds and autism and all. We deserve better than we get sometimes.

      • xe

        136d

        Thank you. It’s tough because I always try but other people don’t. 🤷 My partner tries to encourage me to make friends in-person but I’m through with it lol.

  • Duckyqueen123

    131d

    I'm kinda guilty of ghosting people but not on purpose I forget to text back or call and sometimes I just can't do it because I was just tired of human interaction of any kind.

  • AnimalBoy

    131d

    Yeah I've struggled with keeping relationships my whole life and ive had quite a few relationships end by the friend just ghosting me. The most upsetting loss was a childhood best friend that I had been best friends with for 6 years at the time, in the fifth grade she moved to England with her family for roughly two years without ever telling me or making any attempt of contact during or after her time there despite her and her family moving back into the same house two blocks away from my grandparent's. I'm an adult and it still hurts, especially with similar recent experiences, but it's nice to know im not alone and that maybe it wasn't really my fault

    • xe

      130d

      Her lack of communication is not your fault or burden to carry. 🙌

      • AnimalBoy

        130d

        it always makes me wonder what signs I missed or social expectations i screwed up because I'm neurodivergent but recently ive felt a bit better about her being at fault and that a real friend would have talked to me, at the very least to properly end the friendship and not leave me to wonder what happened to her for years. That's an improvement at least!

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