Makaria

198d

I keep on expecting love from my parents and I realize I'm not gonna get any unless I fight with them or water myself down. they're very narrsasistic. but I've slowly been moving out of asking for their opinions and stopped sharing my joy with them.

does anyone have the same issue? I swing from fawning to anger and freezing and a range of emotions towards them. I feel like my mind is f*cked. does it get easier later on?

Complex post traumatic stress disorder

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  • sharkbait1097

    198d

    I just went no contact with my parents for this reason. A childhood of abuse they constantly deny, they only act like they love me when it benefits them, it hurts deeply to go no contact because I crave them to love me so badly and it’s hard to see the hard reality of their behavior. You are definitely not alone. Their years of gaslighting and narcissistic behavior have definitely taken a toll, I get it I’m in the same boat

    • Makaria

      198d

      thank you for this! I was crying about them this morning and was in huge self denial. I'm literally like "what if I'm denying myself love and self-sabotaging myself???" And then I read this♡♡♡ I really want to go no contact also in the future💕

      • sharkbait1097

        198d

        you definitely aren’t alone, I could go on and on about things my parents have done, and I’ve never had anyone to lean or other family to depend on until I met my current boyfriend who takes care of me even with all my health issues. My parents always denied me any kind of health care and now I’m paying for their neglect. I understand completely and it’s taken me many many years to see the truth and you are loving yourself by putting your well being first!

  • BratCat

    197d

    You are definitely not alone. I went no contact with my mother on Christmas 2015. Toxic doesn't even begin to describe her. Once you get over the guilt and you think about the reasons why you went NC, it gets easier. We're here for you 🖤

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