bubblebea

276d

This is really hard for me to talk about but I am struggling. I have started therapy and today was my first day which helped my anxiety a lot but I am still in a weird depressed state.

I lost my dog of 10 years in December and it also doesn't help that I am battling what we believe is gastritis and a bacterial infection and am feeling really off by that. I'm trying to spend time with my family and live life but I can not get this fear of aging and death out of my head. The anxiety has greatly improved but now I am feeling numb and disconnected from myself.

I can't really enjoy anything right now, I'm just dreading getting older, having health issues, death, and the process of death. It is the worst feeling, I really need some advice on how to deal with this in the meantime until I can work more with my therapist. I am really struggling to enjoy my life.

Generalized pain

Depression

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  • acroy78

    276d

    first, I am proud of you for taking agency in your life. downloading this app and sharing your struggle, going to therapy, these are huge steps. try not to dismiss the energy you are putting in to feeling better. it is a guarantee that one day you will. I felt completely hopeless during my first (and worst) depressive episode. I was completely consumed by it. but my desire to get better and take agency for my life was what ended up saving me. something to remember in the meantime is that yes, life is short, and there are real pains and terrible injustices, but they make the good things all the more special and important. it is what gives us meaning and purpose. amazing things come from pain and struggle. be proud of yourself for trying. it is more than so many people do.

  • bubblebea

    276d

    Thank you for your response, it means a lot to me.šŸ’— Now I'm crying because you are so right.šŸ˜­ I am really trying, so very hard I feel like I'm fighting for my life almost. I need someone with me at all times almost, I hate being alone and tonight I will be, taking care of our 5 month old while my SO gets some rest. It is so incredibly difficult being alone with my thoughts. I feel like I am living my life as if I am actively dying as we speak and I know that's not the case at least I hope not.

    • acroy78

      275d

      I am so glad my words helped. Remember that you are okay. You are physically okay. Have you ever tried any grounding techniques?

      • bubblebea

        275d

        No I haven't, I keep meaning to look into them. Are there any that you recommend?

  • Doglover25006

    275d

    Starting therapy is a huge step as is taking stock of where you are at in your life and your physical and mental health. We develop coping mechanisms to survive that help us in the short term and hurt us in the long term. Part of the therapy process is undoing those toxic coping mechanisms and it takes some time to figure out what healthy coping mechanisms will work best for you. Facing our thoughts and life situations can make things get worse before it gets better. But the only way out is through. Lean on your therapist, your SO, this community and your friends. It sounds like you are determined to put in the work and start feeling better. Be patient with yourself and know it takes time but it does get easier.

    • bubblebea

      275d

      Thank you for your kind response, I definitely am determined to start feeling better even though I am so drained from trying already. I do feel a bit better since I posted this.

  • Aly3

    275d

    Wow this is so me! I had alot of health scares on top of the pandemic and 6 family members passing away last year. All I could think about was death and felt like I had no time and was dying as well. Which goes hand in hand with a panic disorder is impending sense of doom. It's a terrible way to live. The past 6 months have been much better. And let me say post pregnancy hormones can really mess you up. I am actively trying to save up enough money so I can go to therapy.

    • bubblebea

      275d

      I am so sorry for your losses, I have never been diagnosed with a panic disorder, only anxiety and panic attacks. But I definitely feel that impending sense of doom, it is so draining. I'm glad the last 6 months have been better for you and I hope you can get to therapy as well. What do you do that helps you get through this?

      • Aly3

        273d

        there is no one thing that has helped my anxiety I think it's a combination of alot of techniques and even then there can be a challangeing day. With thoughts of death all the time I found that allowing myself some time in a day to think about it and try to find a way to accept it. And then allowing time to not think about it at all by finding something to immerse myself in. when the negative thought comes into my head I challange it and ask myself what triggered that thought. I am definitely still working I think therapy with come CBT training will help alot. I really feel for you! Some people with anxiety obsess over other things but obsessing over death is the worst

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