Terrified of my alters

For a while when first discovering my symptoms I obsessed pretty heavily on trauma memories too. Just remember, frankly you were meant to forget them, and even if you're ready, trying to pry them out of other alters before *theyre* ready can break your trust with and potentially retraumatize them &/ yourself. As you collectively gain a true innate sense of safety, as the other user said, trauma memories may resurface or be shared over time and reprocessed safely. And as a final note, also know that *repeated childhood *stress** can be even more likely to cause DID and dissociative responses in children than singular, huge, incredibly traumatic childhood events. Researchers often refer to "disorganized attachment to caregivers" being a huge part of developing DID as well, separate from trauma or abuse situations. It doesn't always need to be severe and doesn't even need to be "abuse" to gather up a significant amount of trauma to meet this imaginary theoretical threshold for whether or not we develop as plural. Neglectful or emotionally absent parents, alcohol and drug abuse and/or mental illness in the family, family secrets, medical problems and medical trauma, illness, school bullying, constant weather concerns, gang affiliations, even being neurodivergent or having an undiagnosed condition as a child and being raised to be "normal" can be "traumatic enough". I'm trans and had severe gender dysphoria as a kid as well as other mental health conditions that were jarring and confusing, and not having an understanding family who could direct me in these things was just the cherry on top. I don't dig for that bad stuff anymore. We know it was bad enough, and we'll bring up and reprocess those emotions and such when we're really ready, but now we focus on creating a sense of safety we didn't have as a kid, and learning about and supporting each other as a system and as a team. Feel free to DM (: Hope this helps at all

I personally feel that it's not beneficial to spend all your energy trying to figure out why you have this disorder. I think that it is more beneficial to focus on immediate circumstances, such as safety, security, and self-love. Trauma memories may come in time, but trying to dig them up on your own can lead to more pain.