Feeling Overwhelmed in My Relationship

BPD requires a lot of attention. Unpracticed control means your needs are not important. So, either he gets help in practicing empathy or ditch him. Your life has value, too

Alone time is needed for majority everyone. Dont beat yourself up for expressing how you feel when you've been doing everything you possibly can. I'm sure its hard for him going through all of that and as harsh as this sounds, that's not your problem. Of course you love and want to help him but you dont know exactly how he feels and vice versa. Seeing he could trust you and you still stay definitely will make someone like that depend on you but you have to tell him eventually that its also hard for you to do all these things and not even get a time to breathe. It sounds mean but its true. I dont know anyone who can constantly go and not feel like they're drowning. Even when they love who they're with, their job, or whatever

That means so much. I feel so alone because I feel guilty talking to anyone about how I feel because I don't want him to look bad. I've vented to a couple people and they jump to abuse, and I don't think it's abuse so I stopped. Because of my borderline I can sometimes be a little dramatic, esp when emotional 😅 But my friends care about me a lot and have seen me be emotionally abused before so they just worry. You're right though. I think because he genuinely means well and has a good heart, I wanna go above and beyond for him. But I have my own battles going on, for sure. :/ I do think that's a component--I tend to handle him with "kid gloves" because it breaks my heart to upset him, so I think some aspects have become unintentionally toxic. It sucks too because I get really overwhelmed and confused and default to just assuming I'm probably not interpreting the situation correctly. That, and, in the beginning I asked a couple of his friends for advice because they knew him well and I wanted someone else's perspective but was shamed over it because how dare I even think of alone time, that's a huge red flag if you wanna spend time alone, yadda yadda. I don't think it was necessarily immediately this way. He used to have vitriolic emotional outbursts that could last for like two days, and I think because I handled that well, a couple months later he leaned on me when he went through a nasty depressive spell that we figured out months later was due to his meds. And basically it kind of expanded from there. There's a few months where it seems like he's okay, but the rest of the year, he relives his trauma and this time of year reminds him of X, and a few weeks later his dog died a year ago, and then after that someone passed away years ago around this time and so on. I'm not trying to minimize his trauma. His life is awful, it really is. But if you didn't know, it's like all of it just happened for the first time and he doesn't know how to make peace with any of it :/

That's alot to unpack and deal with. I am clingy too but thats because of separation anxiety. But I also understand people needing time to themselves. I love my boyfriend dearly and his kids but he also works 24/7. I listen to his day and can emotionally be there like you are with yours. I say that from someone who can see both sides of this post. With that being said you might love him but you also need time for yourself because continuing living how you are is just gonna make you hate him. I dont know how he is but I would tell him even if it upsets him. And explain it just how you did. I dont see it degrading or insulting. I do know as a person you can't give 100% all the time. Its only going to make things worse as days go on