Feeling Alone and Worthless in My Relationship

o feel so, damn alone. I don't know what to say Yet everything is so intense Silently screaming is my mind My heart beating out of my chest There isn't another soul That knows better than I Just how much I fall Despite how hard I try I could write a paper Maybe even a book Explaining all the reasons I don't deserve a second look My chest is physically pounding Each beat propelled by hope That I won't tie that knot extra tight Or that someone will break the rope I don't want just anyone It's not as simple as that I need the one I'm committed to But he doesn't want me back I'm so very tired And so close to giving up And simply just accepting That I'll never be enough There's a million different things That I really want to share But I've never been much deserving To the point of making him care If I touch him when I wake Or try to give a kiss I feel like I'm disgusting Constantly getting dismissed He doesn't like to talk to me Or even consider me at all He's currently on the couch His ex-wife right down the hall He knows exactly what matters to me And how I feel about things I feel so small and insignificant So much shame his actions bring I want to go so far away Do I can finally break I can't hardly hold my tears It's becoming so hard to take I'm worthless, dull, ugly and dumb Useless Lazy Never get enough done I am nothing, invisible An absolute joke Not even worth fixing Just far too broke He isn't affected And often just laughs Or becomes irritated With any question I ask He still excites me And I can look past his flaws I'm an absolute mess I can't do this no more Inside of me wages A truly horrific war He makes me feel fucking stupid Worthless and alone Embarrassed and insignificant Love is never shown He's taught me just how Undeserving I really am Of receiving respect or love If only I were more like ___ .