Struggling with Trauma: Seeking Guidance and Love

I don't work, I take care of the apartment and my pet. Sometimes an older family member who is pretty much my child. I'm aware of so much trauma in the family all I really want to hold is love for everyone. but still. I just can't think straight. Things are much harder then they should be. I'm scared of some things (my heart/throat/mind/gut, whatever it comes from) I've been told to do. I just want to be closer to the universe and its guidance and love, but I am truthfully confused, and it's sometimes hard to try hard. I can be creative, I have unlimited possibilities, but when it comes to what makes me happy, it's like something or someone drops this heavy ass weight on my chest and makes what I love a misery. It's probably trauma related. Is it burnout? I feel like I'm almost going to feel like shit?