My Experience with Bullying as an Undiagnosed Autistic Person

I think it's funny because at the time I didn't realize that what I was going through was bullying. I wasn't shoved into lockers or called a freak or anything. People would just make me feel horrible and stupid for being myself. They'd question my every decision and interest and mock everything I did. A lot of the people who did it were people that I thought were my friends. I was an undiagnosed autistic dude and they'd always laugh at me when I didn't get a joke or realize that they were being sarcastic. I was called gullible and naive. I was called obsessive and weird for having special interests, and I ended up hating myself. There were things that they said that I didn't even realize were mean until years later. They were these neurotypical people who used a lot of backhanded comments and fake personalities that I often overlooked at the time. I know that without all that I would probably still be mentally ill because of other stuff and my genes, but it certainly didn't help. I can't share anything anymore without feeling incredible embarrassment. Sharing any kind of interest or emotion makes me feel so much shame and fear because I have no idea what to expect and I still can't always tell when people think I'm being annoying.