Struggling with Negative Thoughts and Emotions

Always find myself circulating around to the same thoughts. Used to be rare a couple months ago, maybe once every few weeks and easy to just not think about now is basically fucking every night. I can't sleep it consumes me. Doing things I shouldn't do to satiate. I got nothing anymore, no binge eating, no smoking, trying to drink less, trying to be healthy. Dissociate for 5 maybe 8 hours playing a video game. Idk it's "fun" in the sense that the pain that eats you constantly is numbed, but it's only temporary and feelings must always return. I've gone from having a quasi film between me and other people to just this weird state of paranoid anxiety, that they share just by looking at me in the same terrible mental image I have of myself. I just fall apart, I want to be alone. I feel like I shouldn't be around people. I don't want to be seen. I can't focus in class I can't listen I can't speak everything I say is undermined by myself before I even say it. I'm a wreck.