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PeculiarPrincess

400d

Hey everyone. Hope everyone is well. I'm messaging to ask for prayers/vibes/whatever you believe in. I also could use encouragement. My medical issues have worsened and I'm in a steady state of decline with high mortality rate for those in my situation. Ive been on an NJ tube and TPN, almost died from sepsis twice, have a pec tube to my lower intestines, and currently use a walker. I get nurse, in home care, palliative care, physical therapy, and much much more. I'm 29 years old. I've been declining quickly and considering end-of-life choices which has been scary and emotional. I am enduring a lot of pain and suffering, compared by physicians to end stage cancer. I'm still fighting and exhausting every avenue for myself and my life first. But I made an end-of-life decision that my (now ex) best friend disagrees with. Because of this, and also because I was selfishly and foolishly too emotionally dependent on her during what was repeated medical crises, she terminated our friendship. I'm sad beyond words and I'm really struggling. I didn't realize it when it was happening but the prospect of dying with us being on bad terms and the prospect of not having her in my life during what may be my last days is suffocating me. I originally thought goodbye now instead of later might be best to stop us getting closer and causing her worse pain if I died. I was wrong. Now if I survive through this, I will no longer have a friend. She was my only close friend. It's mostly my own fault cause I handled everything wrong. I apologized a lot and tried to make it right in the best way I could figure out. But she is done. Please keep her and I both in your thoughts. suggestions on how a permanently disabled autistic could make friends, I'd appreciate. Not for right now but for if I make it through this medical crap. -Carly

Top reply
    • Atheris

      400d

      Why don't you see if she would be willing to talk with a mediator present. A trained counselor can do wonders on smoothing over communication issues.

    • FlyingLizards

      400d

      I don't know if I have any good advice if she won't even respond. I'm sorry 😕 but if it helps at all, I'll be your friend! I'm 29 with autism too! It is indeed hard to make friends these days. Not to mention with autism and other mental health disorders (me).

      • PeculiarPrincess

        400d

        @FlyingLizards it is so hard to make friends, especially with autism. I swear I feel like an alien in this world. If you're serious about making a new friend, I'm mostly home and hospital bound due to medical stuff and would love someone to chat with! Feel free to PM me 😊

    • Titch2002

      400d

      Oh my goodness, keeping you in my thoughts. Sorry I don't have any good ideas or advice.

    • PeculiarPrincess

      400d

      It is something I could ask my therapist, but unlikely. We live in different states. I would be 10000 percent willing to do this. But I doubt she would. She has made it clear the friendship is terminated. I asked her 2-3 times if there is anything I could do differently to change things, with no answer. Im Sad.

    • Atheris

      400d

      Why don't you see if she would be willing to talk with a mediator present. A trained counselor can do wonders on smoothing over communication issues.

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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