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Struggling with Intimacy and Self-Worth

SunInAugust

710d

tw: sa I'm really struggling with 2 things. one, the internalized belief that im not enough. two, shame of my current sex life. I grew up with a lot of adversity like early childhood sexual assault, neglect, abuse. I also grew up undiagnosed autistic with a lot of bullying and difficulty connecting to others. I feel like I have no examples where I was enough for anyone. I've either been too much or too little. And as much as I can validate myself, we were meant for community. And I haven't managed to have a real relationship despite really trying. I haven't woken up next to someone I love or even kissed someone I love. I've kissed plenty of people but its all meaningless. I've never showered with someone. I crave intimacy, understandably. but I fear with my trauma and all the triggers and the autism that ill never be able to connect the way I need to.

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7

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Complex post traumatic stress disorder

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Top reply
    • LadyTauriel

      707d

      As someone that was sexually abused with undiagnosed autism till I was 33, my heart goes out to you. My inbox is always open if you need to talk.

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    • LadyTauriel

      707d

      As someone that was sexually abused with undiagnosed autism till I was 33, my heart goes out to you. My inbox is always open if you need to talk.

      1

      Reply
    • CrazyFrog

      707d

      Sending you love, reading your story reminded me so much of myself. I found someone who accepts and loves me for who I am, including all of the unsavory quirks that come along with being on the spectrum. You will find that person too ❤️

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      Reply
    • Dragonrollz

      708d

      I don’t have autism & I don’t know what it’s like but I started getting sexually assaulted at 4 which led to rapes as an adult & was neglected & abused as well as bullying & I did go through what you are right now about craving intimacy. I thought that we weren’t able to because of c ptsd but for me as I kept working through it & with the right partner it’s capable! Don’t shame yourself because our mind subconsciously already does from all the trauma. & whoever made you feel like you were not enough was not about you, it’s about the emptiness or something else with themself! Please don’t feel like it’s you! With trauma we do tend to gravitate towards the people that are not healthy for us & it’s something that we can’t help but we can slowly change! Please feel free to message me or ask me anything that could help you 🙏💙

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    • ParanoiaK

      710d

      I’ve been through the same as you, friend. I know it seems hard, but I know you’ll be able to find the right person who understands you and your conditions. It took me a few years, but I found someone that understands my mental differences and my trauma. It takes time, but it’s really worth it in the end.

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      • SunInAugust

        710d

        @ParanoiaK the last 24 people I liked didn't like me back. 5% of autistic people ever get married. I'm 29. I actively try to date and connect. It feels so hopeless

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        • ParanoiaK

          710d

          @SunInAugust The last 12 people I dated didn’t like me back. A lot of people can be cruel or pretend to like you just for you to be happy, yes, but that is all on them. I am autistic and had a hard time with relationships myself, thinking reasons why people hated me so much was because of that reason. I am almost turning 21 and from what I learned, finding the wrong people and the wrong time happens a lot. Especially for ones that are desperate for affection since I am always like that due to chronic loneliness in the past. My current partner is also neurodivergent (ADHD), but seems to understand and accept my autistic traits and embrace who I am. It takes a lot of time and effort to find someone that will understand, but I promise you that you will find someone out there.

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    • Lemmon

      710d

      You’ll be able to find someone who will understand and who you’ll be able to connect with

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      Reply

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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