Dealing with Anger and Hurt After an Abusive Relationship

@animelover huh?

@fatpenguinchews I had never thought of that, thank you!

@Mr._Dank music was one of my greatest joys, and I wish it still was. I shared so much of that part of me with my ex, and now it all makes me a bit sad and angry I shared the things I love with someone like that. It's like I poisoned my own happiness.

@transmancharlie I could do a better job of grounding myself in those times. I just feel so broken and detached from who I am, or maybe I don't know who I am anymore.

@EatenByWormy Thank you for this reminder. I have been frustrated with myself and where I'm at. Acceptance in this situation and allowing myself to be where I'm at has been incredibly difficult. I could be more patient with myself. I just feel trapped and long for feeling like I did before, instead of paying homage to what I'm feeling now to let it pass.

@squibibi I actually have been journaling, but it leaves me so confused, and reinstates how broken I feel inside. It's really chaotic for me to try and write what I'm feeling, because the words fall so short. I hope over time it will help clear out and pinpoint my triggers, so I can better understand the overwhelming amount of negative feelings I'm enduring. I used to write a lot, but it hurt so much, and I ended up running in circles in my head, never truly feeling like I could express what I was trying to. I'm going to continue doing it though. I'm still struggling with expressing my anger in physical ways like hitting things or breaking things, because I feel like I'm taking the role of an abuser in those moments, and I know that's not true. His voice is in my head calling me a monster and telling me I'm the abuser, because he did it so often, it makes me scared to release my anger in what can be perceived in a violent way, so I feel beyond conflicted. I'm scared of the anger I feel. It makes me feel like a monster, and I know him planting those doubts in me was a way of controlling my reactions to the abuse he put me through, but those doubts were planted in me deep. I never want to be like him. I never want someone to see me releasing this anger and being afraid of me. I should go out into the woods and scream. I've felt like that is something I've wanted to do for a while now. Thank you for the advice about the lozenges. I'll make sure to pack some with me. Also, thank you for making a point so say what I'm feeling is valid. Sometimes I feel crazy through all of this. I'm sorry you know how this feels.

@Frenchie2 but then there are some days I still have no idea what to do with it. It’s just sometimes that recognizing myself helps. And honestly that in itself gives me a little bit of much needed rest.

@Frenchie2 I understand. I’m in the same situation. Through this app I learned that I can self harm myself through thoughts and daydreams, so I try to recognize when I’m doing that more to keep myself from relishing in the anger. I realized I use the anger as a form of torture to maintain my sense of self worth and up my ego.

@Frenchie2 I’ve dealt with a very abusive narcissistic mother all my life. When my dear Dad passed 4 years ago, I totally cut her and my toxic sister out of my life. I’m 65 years old, so there was a lot of abuse and drama in my life. It’s such a relief to be out of those toxic relationships now. I still think of them often and have forgiven them in my heart, but will never initiate contact again. It’s just not worth the pain and drama.

@Frenchie2 I'm working on unlearning that too. It's definitely a struggle

@Phy201 The last thing you said makes total sense, and I often find myself wondering the same thing.