Jaxen

314d

okay. so I basically grew up my whole life being threatened if I didn't do something I was going to have severe consequences, even if I did them it wasn't enough and I still got punished. since I grew up that way I think it is directly affecting my motivation. like I genuinely cannot commit to things or be told to do things unless im under pressure/threatened to do something, even then it's a burst but down the road I eventually start feeling like it'll have the same outcome if I didn't do it. any advice for this? I literally ask my bf to threaten to stop talking on call just for me to get up and eatšŸ˜­

Depression

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  • SAMHAIN

    314d

    I can relate, hard. Loooong story short my dad was a detective/cop/SWAT leader/marksmanship trainer/my baseball coach for 10 years/etc and I grew up in a Catholic household. If you've seen Dexter he did that stuff to me from S1 his step-dad's ā€training." There's a lot to unpack here. First thing is whether or not you've taken real time to just sit and think and address it all. Likeā€”it ALL. Noting what your biggest traumas were (ie: specific events of past), what the triggers for those are, what your actual reactions in-the-moment with these are, what calms you down during them vs what others try that doesn't work most of the time, how you react to both of those situations, why the ones that don't work don'tā€“and if part of that isn't some other sub-issue or related trauma... If any of the things you were pressured negatively to do were things you actually did want to do, but the experiences were tainted by this monster bearing down on you or if you can bounce back from that to enjoy the thing... Things that can help to address all that: Journalling, "brain dumping," active reflection, meditation to learn to calm and "passively note" thoughts, "healing your inner child" in direct active reflection/therapy, trying to walk toward acceptance (as inā€“accepting yourself where others did not), and forgiving your abuser, talk therapy with a qualified PTSD therapist, CBT/DBT therapy treatments...? There's a lot that follows the acknowledgement. Butā€”the acknowledgement is a huge first step!

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