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inyourface001

602d

im worse than ever. after trying to end it all this weekend I didnt do it just because i remekbered a promise i made to my best friend to never leave her no matter what and i cant break that. it made me hate myself even more for even thinking to do that and what it would do to her, my little brother, and my cat. those are the only ones that i feel actually care about me. my mother's words keep reeling in my head of how im not normal, how I ruined the families happiness and bonds, how I'm selfish and only care about myself, how I'm rude to everyone, how I dont deserve trust and respect and so, so much more. I just want to be free of this guilt and pain i feel constantly but i cant. i can't escape it and I dont think I can ever. my friend keeps telling me that once im 18 I'll be free and be able to do what i want but I know my mother will still be in control of my life and decide every single detail of it. I try to tell myself that shes faking and twisting it to make it my fault whenever she starts saying shes a horrible mom and what did she do wrong and how she was just trying to do what was best for her kids. shes threatened to take me out of counceling because of financial issues, but thats my only hope now. i know she absolutely hates the idea of me going to therapy because shes literally told me before how she doesnt want people to judge her wrong and how im only going to spread lies about her and bever say the truth. I dont slkeep normally anymore either. I can never fall asleep untill after 2 am and i sleep until 2 pm and I cant stop it. I want to chamge so many things about me i wish I could press a button and I looked different, raised in a good family, was happy, had good relationships, didnt push people away, and wasnt jealous of almost every person that walks past me. Im exhasted mentally, physically, and socially. literally just saying hi to anyone draines me. all in all I know theres no hope for me but I wish there was.

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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