So... does any other "aspies" struggle to find girls (or guys) that can handle talking as much as we feel like we need to? I always seem to overburden others by talking too much and they just don't have the time. Guys or girls really, but I always thought if I had a partner I would be able to have the support system I need and always have someone to talk to but I guess I forget they have things going on too and they don't need to socialize as much as I do. I could talk all day and I don't like that about myself but apparently I do lol. I honestly can't find anyone to talk to about real stuff like talking to girls so I figured I'd ask it here.

Attention-Deficit Disorder

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

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  • Shrek97


    I grew up in a family where the guys all would have these amazing in depth conversations from tech to history to politics to gospel to inspiration to comic books to personal stories, I called it nerd talk as my brothers uncles cousins left home, the conversations lessened more and more, I'd still talk with my grandpa and that was nice but it was like needing water and only getting a drink a few times a month When I moved out I was starving, I started talking to everyone looking for connection, I'd knock on neighbors in my apt complex, ask if I can hang out, most actually would, I think a lot of them thought I was there for a church or school thing or that I knew a roommate or something, I'd ask the basics get to know you questions, and usually school work or hometown would be something they were good talking about, I found that a big part of my hunger was feeling connected. When most people have small talk the conversation is shallow and flighty, jumping from pop references to inside jokes to more pop references, I didn't see it participate in many things other kids did growing up so I don't get most pop references my own age, I get pop references of people 3 to 4 times my age because I was around them more, and I don't get inside jokes until I'm inside. It's like a tennis match with an invisible ball, I can hear a connection here and there and see reactions but by the time I catch up everyone's on to something else I like to sink my teeth into something big with history and relevance something that's been around for centuries that is stable and I can spend time figuring out and others can too so that we can explore together, Studying SpongeBob or the Office might help for a few conversations here and there but then there's generations that have different icons, it seemed very little bang for a lot of buck Info on WWI, electronics, Egypt, etc all will have relevance for at least a few more centuries, have large followings and have boatloads of information free and refined to get info faster, easier to understand etc, tv shows can require real time dozens to hundreds of hours per show just to get a little reference, and the reference is completely useless if others don't have all the material, which is only available to select audiences for a few years, But seeing people light up about something their passionate about and know that I comprehend and can join them in their revelry and journey of discovery and reminiscence is very satisfying and satiated my hunger fire a while, but while I could get others to talk about their passions, I couldn't find anybody willing to hear mine, but after lots of talks about what other people liked discussing, a few started opening up to hear me out as well, and with the broad spectrum of interests I found I could get connection from someone somewhere about something, physics concepts with Drew, politics with calix, game design with Nate, cars with Jeremy, linguistics with Russell, econ with Jared, bio with Joseph, med and comics with Todd etc I used to think I had to have all my friends under the same roof or next door, like back home growing up, but some of my best friends are across the country, we talk a few times a week over zoom and work on stuff with g drive, I don't know if this is the kind of conversation you're looking for, but I do get struggling to find something your soul is starving for To this day my mom will literally fall asleep if try to discuss my passions, it's dangerous while driving A principle that might help is look at how you can give before looking to get, first you might find giving satisfies many hungers, and giving might lead you to what you're looking to get Try lending and ear before asking for one Try asking others about their lives and passions before desperately unloading on them Also journaling struggles as if it's some other fictional character helps me, if I can write my thoughts, fears, hopes, yearnings, passions, etc as of it's someone else then I can be more honest and exaggerate and embellish and see my life from the outside and see solutions After a bad social experience it's helpful to take the emotions and instead of bottling them up, get them out on a page, and use the pent up emotions to fuel the writing Sorry this is so long, and scatterbrained, hope you find something useful, good luck,

    • FlyingLizards


      lol well actually I'm extremely introverted. I can't just go up to people and start talking if I don't know them and know them well. I'm usually reserved but I think after leaving college where I could usually always find someone to hang out with, I can't find anyone and I think I fill in the dead space with my own talk. Really I do prefer to listen to others and I offer it all the time but literally no one takes me up on it or opens up, especially girls, and I feel closed off. I just want to sit in the same room and listen to their struggles and hear them complain about work but it's like other people intentionally fight that. I also depend heavily on friends and girls to stay happy and I feel so so alone with no one to talk to, especially if they do respond but say they're busy or don't want to talk. I feel like a burden and all I want is to help other people with theirs but no one trusts me. It's not really an issue of finding what to talk about, but more of finding someone to talk at all and it's extremely frustrating

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