Money and Motivation: A Struggle with Depression

ugh I hate feeling like I NEED money to be happy. I do ok on my own as it is and I barely ask for help from family or friends. but sometimes the depression goblins get at my brain and I feel like I lose motivation to do just about anything. and then my birthday is coming up so my grandparents sent me some money and I get excited, not because I'm getting anything for myself, but I get stuff for other people and groceries and some long needed stuff to make household organization maybe work, and suddenly I'm feeling better and motivated and feeling like I'm accomplishing things for once..... I don't like that money solves most of my problems, but it does... now if only that meant I could muster the courage to do the doctor and therapist search again because I haven't been on any of my meds in 3 years, and my last therapist ghosted me 2 years ago.... I just haven't had the mental energy to even attempt another doctor search yet.