mmm

100d

TW:SH
I'm several years clean from cutting. I still self harm but it's seen as a more minor self harming type vs cutting. The problem I had trying to stop cutting was it being a physically painful urge. Most of the time when I have to urge to self harm its because my emotional pain has manifested itself as a physical pain in my arm. I can only explain it as an exposed nerve type feeling. No one I've tried talking to has ever heard this, none of my therapist, no one. It makes me feel so alone and weird. It's also why, despite really not wanting people to find out, I couldn't "pick a new place" to cut. If it wasn't my arm it didn't fix it.
Heat (that isnt extremely hot like fire or boiling water) or Cold only hurt, they don't get rid of that feeling( they essentially make it worse), rubber bands or pen marks just aren't enough to get rid of it, but I can't cut. I just can't. I've been clean from it for so long and it would wreck my life. I know it sounds dramatic put its not.
So what do I do? Does anyone else go through this? Do I just sound crazy? I just dont know who else I can ask at this point. Maybe I'm not googling or searching the right things but I cant find anyone that even vaguely understands that feeling.

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Acute self-inflicted injury

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