Frustrated with my job as a programmer

Aren't these issues normal in the programming profession? I've never met anyone who doesn't spend hours checking syntax and is able to easily understand others' code. Sounds like your coworkers are just condescending/misogynist/assholes.

I would contact HR or your team member services department and ask someone for advice. See if you’re able to get accommodations at your workplace and then you can request documentation and better written/verbal communication as an accommodation and things can’t be held against you if you have brain fog which causes you not to remember things that should -like you said-be written out as standard.

I need things in writing too, otherwise my ADHD will just make me forget seconds later, and then I’ll be anxious that I’m misremembering.

Maybe there is a program out there you can suggest that allows for more fluid written communication? My line is always “I will try to remember, but if you don’t send it in writing there is no guarantee.”