Struggling to get a BPD diagnosis

**TW possibly** I self diagnosed in 2016ish and I was able reduce my outward symptoms, but they just started manifesting inwardly (quiet bpd) I didnt start going to therapy till 2020 and everytime I brought it up it was brushed off. Everytime I was brushed off it killed me. My second therapist even said I hit all of the criteria (you only need to have 5 out of 9 to be diagnosed) but I manage well enough that she doesn't feel comfortable diagnosing me and would rather just focus on my listening skills. I was gutted. I was screaming for help and no one would listen. Meds didmt work, anger management they were trying didnt work. I felt like it would never get better. I knew I was at a plateau in my self help journey. I couldn't improve my symptoms anymore without professional help,no one would just listen to me, and I couldn't keep living how I was. I told my husband ill try therapy one more time but after that I just can't keep going like this. If no one can help me, maybe I am a lost cause. I didnt want to Traumatized my toddler. I didnt want to end up like my mom. Well 3rd times a charm. My first appointment with my new therapist I spilled my guts (while trying not to get committed lol), I brought data and journal entries to back myself up (I also have emotional permanence issues), I took the dsm5 and went symptom by symptom, I did everything I could think of to describe my day to day life so that even if it wasn't bpd I would still leave with a diagnosis of some sort and finally know the name of what I have been struggling with my entire life. I also mentioned my mom has bipolar 2 and ptsd but one of her therapists tried to diagnose her with bpd but I think she changed therapists before they screened her for it. I even went through the bpd symptoms I saw in my mom, which was alot of them lol. We had run out of time but she reassured me that she wanted to continue this conversation in our next appointment. On my second appointment we did a bpd screening. My therapist said shes always really hesitant to diagnose personality disorders, especially so early in her meeting with someone, but she was very confident that I have bpd and didn't know how my other therapists misdiagnosed it given how self aware I am. It was the day after my birthday and it was the best and worst 21st birthday gift I could get lol. Sadly there isn't much advice I can give. Make sure the therapist recognizes or specializes in bpd if there are any available to you. My biggest tip for any therapist, doctor, etc. Is to find someone who thinks of it as a collaborative experience. Usually those people listen so much better than someone who wants a one sided relationship, doesn't think Google exists and that people can atleast have an idea of what's going on. They might be an expert in their field but I'm the closest to an expert about my life lol. Being diagnosed is also bittersweet. I'm so happy to have a have a community that understands me and a comprehensive treatment plan(dbt) but Its now in my medical records. The stigma around bpd is all throughout the medical field and there is always a risk of discrimination based on it. All of that being said I really hope you find a therapist that will aid in your journey instead of being a hindrance and that any of what I just said was helpful!

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BPD is heavily stigmatized by some people in the field. Some providers genuinely dont believe it's "real"-- which is obviously ridiculous given that's its in the DSM-5. Some providers prejuddge people with BPD, and refuse to treat because of the symptoms related to BPD. A way around this might be to find a new therapist, and ask to take diagnostic tests as part of your intake appointment(s). If you ask for several you can avoid it looking like you're trying to self diagnose and they can come to the diagnosis on their own. If they ask you why you want ask the tests or give you a hard time, say that you'd just like to get diagnostic testing out of the way up front and if they can't provide those services you understand and you'll find a new treatment center. Obviously, I'd just ask for the ones that feel most relevant to you, but some tests you can ask for: International Personality Disorder Examination, Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory (I'm pretty sure any location-- even outside of Minnesota uses this because I took it in Georgia), Beck Anxiety Inventory, Beck Depression Inventory, Brief Dissociative Experiences Scale, Intolerance of Uncertainty Scale, and RAADS-R