tw (minor related abuse)

my previous partner was 18 when i had just turned 14. what i didnt know was he already had a history of m*lest*ng and r*p*ng children in my age range 12-14.

he was extremely sexually and emotionally abusive. cheated on me throughout the entire relationship, which lead to me leaving him. a week later he was being investigated for r*p*ng another 12 year old. immediately afterwards he fled to arizona to escape charges, and as far as i know, hasnt been back since.

that didnt stop my paranoia and my trauma, though. a dude who looked like him started lingering around outside my house and standing in my driveway a year later, almost every other day. it felt like he was constantly following me.

i want to wash him off of me so badly. it feels like his hands left stains on my skin and it wont come off. everytime sex comes up, or i think about it, if i act on it; he eventually pops into my mind and im forced to relive it all. everytime i have a sex dream his face is there. he was my first and currently, my last. he's all my mind has to compare to, and i hate it so damn much

i have tried so many times to find someone, anyone, willing to just touch me to i can get his face out of my mind. to cover his handprints with their own. ive had absolutely no luck, mostly because everyone still associates me with him and they think im tainted. i dont blame them.

it's to the point where im willing to sleep with anyone, even if theyre WORSE than him, just so i can get his hands off of me.

it's been over 2 years since i left but he stuck with me like glue.

has anyone else thought something similar in regards to SA, or even just relationships in general??

Sexual abuse

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