Struggling with Intimacy in a Cross-Cultural Relationship

I feel this sooooo much. I feel the same way when my husband isn’t in the mood. I can be hyper sexual sometimes. I think because of trauma (which causes BPD) I broke down a few nights ago saying similar things. He gets frustrated also. He does reassure me … but me believing it is more difficult. I also had two exes who made me feel terrible. You definitely need to talk about expectations for sex and your insecurities. You may also feel that in the past, partners sort of expected sex and if it didn’t happen they threatened to find it elsewhere (or did) .. I know from my experience I was often guilted about it if I didn’t want to. I would also look at everything else in your relationship. Does your partner do little things for you , like bringing you coffee (or whatever you like).. spend time with you.. communicate. Sex is an important aspect of a relationship. It seems he grew up with shame around it and might need to get to the root of that. We have to often remember that our current partner is not the one who hurt us. We become hyper aware of things and sometimes create problems that don’t actually exist because it’s a trauma response. I am still working on this with my husband and by not automatically assuming I’m the problem.