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bum

521d

ive been getting tormented by a group of people going on for a couple months. none of the parents care. they are deadset on messing with my life and it's been working. one of them has managed to completely shun me from my whole friend group with lies that they immediately believed because that one is extremely manipulative. another blamed me for their SA because I stopped being their friend considering they were extremely abusive to me and would barade me every night with insults and even tried to guilt trip me into sexual acts with them and another person. i do not understand why they are trying to hurt me so badly and I'm finding it so hard to push on. I don't know how to handle this, please, if you have advice please let me know.

Top reply
    • erm

      519d

      they’re not happy with themselves. i mean if i was them i would hate myself. they don’t know you and you know that. they don’t know how you feel but they are completely aware that they are hurting you yet they continue to do it. act like you don’t care even if you do. you have different options, you could confront them with backup and maybe even legal procedures. i think you should focus on yourself mainly and do the things you love. it hurts to lose friends but we’re they really your friends if they left you so easily? you deserve the best and nothing less.

    • erm

      519d

      they’re not happy with themselves. i mean if i was them i would hate myself. they don’t know you and you know that. they don’t know how you feel but they are completely aware that they are hurting you yet they continue to do it. act like you don’t care even if you do. you have different options, you could confront them with backup and maybe even legal procedures. i think you should focus on yourself mainly and do the things you love. it hurts to lose friends but we’re they really your friends if they left you so easily? you deserve the best and nothing less.

    • Ella101

      519d

      Definitely leave them! That is abusive and toxic. Find other friends and stick up for yourself! I had the same issue in school because I had a toxic friend group and I was bullied. It wasn’t until I confronted the bully and looked her dead in her eyes and told her so firmly to leave me alone or we are gonna have a problem that they stopped. You don’t have to get nasty but you must be firm and stand your ground. When you don’t stick up for yourself they will continue. Find the confidence within yourself to set them straight. Then lose contact and find better friends. If it gets out of hand and they don’t stop and these are friends that go to your school or work, report them. If they are an outside of work/school friend group then great you can completely cut them off and never have to deal with them.

    • bum

      519d

      I would just like to add in case anyone is confused, I am not friends with these people. I've done everything I could to get them away from me, I've got them all blocked on everything i could find yet they just show up in person or use another person's phone. I'm extremely close to getting the law involved. Thank you so much for the kind words and encouragement, it helps more then you think. :)

      • Ella101

        519d

        @bum I would get the law involved. Report them and get a restraining order. This is harassment.

    • Denotchka

      520d

      Get away from these people and find a new group of friends. Sounds toxic. Be careful who you become friends with.

    • betheartist

      521d

      Hi there. 👋 I want to say how sorry I am to you that this is happening. People that do things like this really don’t offer you much choice in how you can react because they put you in a such a difficult position of feeling stressed & helpless. They have created such a toxic situation & you don’t deserve to be involved in that. I know that I don’t know the whole story, but from this, I will say that I went through something very similar to this a few years ago. And it hurt. My advice is to keep pushing on, even if it means that you leave the situation and everyone involved completely, moving forward in your life without any of them as your friends. Even if it means you never speak to any of them again, it may be for the best. You might not want that and I completely understand. Because ideally none of this would be happening in the first place and you would still have your friend group intact. But that just isn’t the case. I want you to know that there may never be closure from this situation. In my situation, I never got closure, and to be honest, it was hard. But sometimes people choose to hurt us and we don’t have many choices except for removing ourselves from the toxic situation they created. Like the other commenter said: hurt people hurt people. It may be “cliche” but it’s true. That’s not an excuse, of course, but it’s an explanation. I want you to know that you don’t owe them anything. You don’t owe it to them to sit around and be a punching bag or a doormat or anything else. You don’t even owe it to them to stay their friend, especially if they have chosen not to stay yours. However, you do owe it to yourself to be true to yourself and take care of yourself. That may mean taking yourself out of a situation if it cannot be mended and you’re suffering because of it. I’m proud of you. It sounds like you’re doing the best you can and that’s enough. All we can do in this life is our best. We can’t change others or make people do things or not do things. We can only change ourselves. You can’t change your friends’ minds that have fallen victim to the manipulation. You may be able to try to reach out to them if you can (safely) and maybe sit them down to tell them your side of the story and how what is happening is affecting you and how you feel about your friends believing the lies so quickly. That will be a tough conversation so I would suggest you choose carefully which friends you speak to first and how you want to word things (if you wanna talk to them at all period). To be honest, I would exit the situation and try to find peace with it from the outside of it. It’s hard to collect your thoughts of you’re in the midst of chaos. I think that you will find real friends that are meant for you and that will have the maturity/strength to speak to you if they have a concern about something they heard about you from a third party. Sometimes friendships we have are meant only for a season, and not for a lifetime… and that’s okay. It’s normal despite what society seems to tell us. Leaving this situation doesn’t mean you “gave up” or took the easy way out either. You did the hardest part which was choosing to leave something that was toxic. You deserve better than this. Especially considering that these people are bringing something as serious as SA into the picture… and harassing you… they’re being horrible. You don’t have to stick around ANYONE like that. You are allowed to leave with no explanation because at the end of the day: YOU know the truth. It’s hard when you do & no one believes you… but sometimes that happens. I imagine you don’t want to just leave your friends.. and you don’t want to give up/surrender because you are the victim and this isn’t fair. I understand if you’re feeling all types of things! Your feelings are valid. What I care about is your safety & wellbeing. I don’t want you to get swallowed up in their cruelty. You deserve happiness & you are allowed to leave. ❤️

      • betheartist

        521d

        @betheartist ( I hope it’s okay that I said “you’re allowed to ____.” I just know that for a lot of us… it feels like we aren’t allowed to do certain things especially things for ourselves like self-care related things, advocating for ourselves, etc. And it helps when someone else gives us “permission” to do those things we feel almost too scared or undeserving to do! So I don’t mean to be rude when I say “you’re allowed to _____.” I mean it to encourage and reassure you that you are your own person and you deserve to take care of yourself and be happy. Even though pain is part of this situation, I believe that you will get through this. Let yourself feel your feelings, too. Let yourself feel angry, scared, irritated, betrayed, sorrowful, and whatnot. Bottling or denying those feelings will only hurt your more & possibly cause collateral damage. The person in this life you are always going to be with us yourself. So taking care of yourself is key. Good friends will find you! And please don’t give up on other people. There are good people in this world, more than it seems.) ❤️

    • Revontulet

      521d

      Hurt people hurt people. Don't take it personally. I would guess these people are trying to hurt you because they themselves are being hurt. That doesn't make it acceptable. Just makes it easy to realize it's not about you, you are just a pawn.

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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