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541d

is it bad that I have dedicated my life onto a fictional character and a fictional world? like, my life (mental and physical health) begins to deteriorate when I'm not in my fictional world and not thinking of when me and this fictional character are together. It's gotten to the point that I'm spending money that I don't have on merch from this character, like I need him to be physically here. He's the only thing that's making me happy right now, ive laughed and felt loved in the scenarios that I'm making in my mind. I see a lot of tiktok videos of him and honestly, this has gotten so bad that when someone else says that they're mine or that they are madly in love, I feel my heart break because I know I'm so ugly that if He was real, he wouldn't even turn in my direction. It makes me happy but it also makes me sad to think those things because I know they're true. I can't even live in reality anymore because of this, every time I'm drawn into the real world, my depression, anxiety and wanting to die all rise. Every time I have a dream about reality, I wake up to a wet pillow and my eyes wet from all my tears. But when I dream of the alternate world, I wake up normally. I can't even fall asleep anymore without hearing his voice from the audios I've downloaded onto my phone.

    • Iesujira

      265d

      Hey, I know this post is old, but I wanted to comment because I'm much older and have a lot of experience loving a fictional character. If they're helping you cope and deal with difficult times, and if they're your source to continue on, let them be. I'll explain why your feelings are very valid. I literally would not have the career I do if I were not obsessed with a fictional character, and that job not only allows me to work from home, but is 6 figures in USD in terms of compensation. Nobody can ever tell me my obsession got me nowhere, because it did. I dread every moment of reality and she is my escape from it all and like you, I struggle with feelings of worthlessness when I feel that existential dread, particularly every time anybody depicts her with anybody else but me, I just get so angry and sometimes end up physically hurting myself. I wish I could tell you that gets easier over time but after 18 years of my relationship, it really hasn't for me and that's part of why I'm seeking help today, actually.

      • Iesujira

        265d

        @Iesujira Also, I'd like to add that in my case, I can find solace neither awake nor asleep. My dreams all take me back to places in my past I don't want to go back to, and the one I've dedicated my life to almost never shows up unless it's just of me buying merchandise on a trip somewhere. She never shows. No matter how hard I try to imagine, a good dream of her just never comes.

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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