Dealing with Trauma: My Struggle with PTSD

So, PTSD. Not a fun topic but mine isn’t fun to get into. So hefty warning for any of y’all lookin to give a sad gender fluid some advice. My mom was the one to give me..all of my trauma. I’ve been tested. It’s in my records. We know it’s her fault. But instead of apologizing, she (well she isn’t of this world anymore and she blames me for moving out). I’ve tried therapy and I’m just not ready. Trauma therapy is too much but others are too…weak. And I feel so..small. Like no one cares. I don’t know. I just can’t have them not care anymore. My aunts said I had to shape up or they’d kick me out.