Dillybop

103d

My boyfriend has a really bad tooth ache that has been going on for a while. It’s been the worst the last three days. I’ve been trying my best to take care of him but when it’s really bad he lashes out at me to go away or shut up or get off of him all I can do is just sit there then when it subsides he sobs and apologizes meanwhile I’m sobbing because I’m just watching him in pain and he’s yelling and it starts all over the next day he was a little better I tried to talk to him about how he was acting towards me he says he keeps apologizing and what else do I want from him and I say I just want him to acknowledge it’s not okay to act that way when I’m just trying to help and then he says I don’t understand because he was in so much pain and I do understand I just don’t think it’s an excuse I don’t know he’s always so angry and he says I’m too sensitive because he’s never mad AT me but he gets upset when how he acts upsets me wether it’s directed at me or not I tell him it’s concerning when he gets mad and yells and hits things but he’s never raised a hand to me and he says that if I’m afraid that he’s going to hit me I should just break up with him I don’t know what to do

Anxiety (Including GAD)

Chronic Generalized pain

Depression

Restlessness and Agitation

Generalized pain

View all
  • alliillaalli

    103d

    Honestly, you should probably just break up with him. Pain makes people act different. Infections can affect behavior. If this were an isolated incident, I'd think differently. But if he is consistently angry and having outbursts, not good. If you try and talk to him about how his behavior makes you feel and he is dismissive, even worse. If he offers no compromise other than, "then leave me," then leave him. I can't begin to say with any certainty why he behaves this way or what he needs in order to change it but I can tell you with certainty that 1. You are not the treatment he is lacking and 2. He is not willing to make changes for the sake of your relationship. Asking, trying, helping will only make it worse. He sees nothing wrong with his behavior. Even when he does, he makes no effort to change or even acknowledge it. There are greater loves, maybe even someday with him, but it will not ever happen if you stay and allow this behavior. It will only get worse.

    • Dillybop

      103d

      He is going to a therapist but I had to beg him to and he says he’s only doing it for me.

      • alliillaalli

        103d

        which mean he isn't actually doing therapy. He is showing up to shut you up, but he isn't doing any of the necessary work. Trust me. I have been with a man who had angry outbursts and dismissed my concerns when I brought them up (or responded with more anger.) He would do the same thing, every now and then (when he was close to losing me) apologize, sob, say he'd do anything. But he never ended up doing the "anything." He did end up hmmm.. throwing me to the ground and kicking me in the head repeatedly, telling the landlord in the place we rented together to kick me out immediately because he had moved out, showing up at my next home throwing things at my window and screaming, making false complaints to my apartments and getting me kicked out of said apartment, threatening to kill himself on multiple occasions, finally getting admitted to a psych ward and bold faced lying to them after I had already moved on to a new relationship, telling them we were still together and I cheated and that I needed to come pick him up.. the list goes on and on, the physical abuse started well after the emotional abuse, and I will die on this hill.. whether or not it will get better depends entirely on how they react when you raise concerns. I have also been with a man who had emotionally abusive tendencies and angry outburst, in some ways worse than the first, but did not put hands on me. When I talked to him about it, asked him about therapy, medications, explained to him what behaviors were hurting me and how, he listened. He was sometimes defensive, but for the most part, he admitted when he was wrong. He took therapy seriously and started treatment for several disorders, as well as seeking diagnosis and treatment for physical health problems that were contributing. He learned and respected my boundaries. He apologized and instead of "then just leave," said "I understand if you don't want to be with me anymore, but if you do, tell me how to fix this." And when I told him how, he did, every time. He is now the most patient and loving partner I've ever had and I plan to spend my life with him. I have seen both outcomes. The outcome with this guy is bad, I'm sorry. You really need to leave. Put your efforts into a situation that still has some hope.

  • MissWilwarin

    103d

    Why doesn’t he just go get the toothache looked at and see what’s causing the pain?

    • Dillybop

      102d

      He’s so stubborn I kept telling to go to the dentist and he waited until he was in agonizing pain.

      • MissWilwarin

        102d

        😓 I hate when people do that. If I think something is wrong, I’ll make an appointment with my doctor. I no longer make appointments when I twist my ankle because I’ve twisted it so many times. 4 times in the past year.

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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