borderlinebaddie

292d

a few nights ago I was having a mental breakdown, im talking sobbing so hard I couldn’t breathe. I went to my FP (favorite person) who happens to be my roommate. All I wanted was to talk and maybe a hug. She barely acknowledged me and just said none of it was real it was just the fact I just adjusted my meds. I felt super unheard and invalidated, it felt like she didn’t care at all. Instead of saying that right off the bat because I thought I was annoying her, I went out drinking with some friends. Long after my roommate fell asleep I drunkenly texted her that it felt like she was gaslighting me and just making me feel crazy and like I was making up what I was feeling. The next day we sort of talked about it over text but decided we wanted to wait until we both got home from work to really discuss in person. I apologized for not communicating clearly from the start and just waiting until I lashed out, she apologized for not helping more, and we agreed I need to be working on communicating my needs better and not just assuming others will know how to help me (something i’m really working on in therapy) I still feel like I over reacted and should have just let it go, but I am glad we talked about it. She reminded me that i’m allowed to feel my feelings, communicate them to her, and that she has never hated me or thought I was a burden. I always worry if I stick up for myself or my needs in any way i’m going to hurt her and make her leave, but after 24 hours of being convinced she’d hate me I think things ended on good terms. even if I sobbed super hard for the whole hour and a half we were talking lol. I think we both felt a lot better afterwards.

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

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