How to Move On from Missing Your Abuser

i've learned in therapy that it's okay to miss them. it's okay to miss who you thought they were, who you thought they could be. it's okay to have good thoughts about a bad person. i have a list in my notes app on my phone and it says "when you think about.." and then it lists the things that were horrible and i like check box the ones that are really bad and sometimes i let myself just miss them and sometimes i go to that list to remind myself, but it's hard and don't force yourself to feel certain things, it's okay to let your feelings feel. i know how you feel, though, it's hard and it seems like the longing for them and the guilt and missing them is much stronger than with a normal person in your life who's no longer in your life. hope this helps

The thing about abusers is that not everything was bad, or you wouldn't have been with them in the first place. It's OKAY to miss the good times you had with them, so long as you recognize that they were also abusive and toxic and you're better without them. Maybe write a letter to them, and burn it. That way you get everything off your chest and don't actually have to interact with them. It may allow you closure and thus make it so you stop missing them.

My abuser was an alcoholic. She had a lot of drinking parties without telling me and always blamed her actions and behaviors on me. Being around alcohol now traumatizes me. I am starting to gain interests back in things I lost interest in from when I was depressed and traumatized. I’m realizing I remembered how much I loved certain things (Art, Disney Movies, Hanging with friends, game shows, Jewelry making, antiques, old movies, etc) before I was emotionally abused. The trauma not only caused me to lose interest in things, but it also caused me to regress, even though I have a lot of childlike interests (Disney, dolls, stuffed animals, toys). The abuser judged me for who I was which made me become a shell of myself and I’m still in recovery from all of it.

I agree with Hannibal. Have you tried making a list? Maybe post the list up in your room where you can see it well. High light what the abuser did that you would never tolerate from anyone. Be angry at them for not caring about you and only them. And learn to love things that serve you good. Learn to love new hobbies, new friends, new activities, new self care regimens, things about your self and others. Finding new things to love and look forward to helps the mind from missing what no longer exists but once was a source of joy. Find new joys that do not have negative consequences, that respect and honor you, that love you the way you want it bc we all deserve this.