SpazzyBee

101d

My partner wants to take a break from me because I have let myself and my mental state deteriorate so badly, I’ve now pushed them away (they’re non-binary). And they don’t know if or when the break will be over. This has happened once before between us but I started to be healthy and better, but I’ve let myself slip into old habits and now I’ve pushed things too far… I don’t shower once every other day like I used to, I haven’t brushed my teeth for a week, I feel so disgusting admitting this and embarrassed.. I haven’t shaved my legs or under arms since I last showered because I’m too depressed to. I’ve been told that I need to open my eyes because of what I’m doing, usually this motivates me to do better but instead.. I feel the opposite and feel like I only deserve worse things. Like I don’t deserve them, they’re too good for me, like I don’t deserve anymore love or comfort, I’ve clearly messed up, so why should I get anything good in return? Does anyone else feel these ways..? If so… how do I get back into a good mindset? How do I push myself to do better instead of relapsing when these things happen? I don’t wanna harm myself, but I did because I felt like it’s what I deserved for hurting my partner… I just want to get out of this funk and be healthy and happy again.

Depression

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  • BaileyFawn

    101d

    Let me tell you something... we don't deserve anything, we're all sinners... but God doesn't see us like that... and neither does Christ... they think you deserve heaven, let alone love... you just need to be open to your partner, tell them the funk you're in... if they understand and want to be there for you and encourage you, show them you love them... if they still think you need to be separated, then leave them... they don't deserve YOU... YOU'RE too good for them... if you care that much about them, but they don't feel the same for you; that's not a good person to be with... i love you my friending... i how you'll take from this

  • xtaylorx

    101d

    First and most importantly (even though its hard) is to not blame this on you. We can not control our mental health…. however, others can control their actions. Im going to tell you this and you’re more than likely to disagree with me but its the honest truth. Someone who truly loves you and cares for you is going to stay with you and take care of you no matter what your condition is. Ill give you practical advice rather than assuming you’re christian because that’s not everyone’s views and shouldn’t be the first thing told to someone. I moved in with my boyfriend about 2 years ago or little more than that. I fell into a severe depression and this is what that looked like from me: not getting out of bed, not going anywhere, not showering, not brushing my hair, not brushing my teeth, gaining a whole bunch of weight. Let me tell you not once did he ever say this was too much for him, see me differently or ever try to leave me. Here’s the thing, a true love will never feel any of those things! What I suggest is to really look deep within yourself to be able to realize this shouldn’t be blamed on you and you shouldn’t be down on yourself. I promise you that this is not how relationships are supposed to be and this is very toxic and it can show just in how you’re writing. Ultimately it is up to you to find your worth and decide whether you’d rather keep being with someone who doesnt care or if you’d rather eliminate some extra sadness and anxiety by removing them from your life so that way you can work on yourself and find someone who will love you unconditionally and stay with you and take care of you no matter your circumstances. Trust me i’ve been there plenty of times questioning my worth until I realized that participating in these types of negative patterns of thinking were just circling me around and never letting myself heal or get better. The universe is very receptive and what you give is ultimately what you get. Now I know all of this is way easier said than done but at some point it has to be done, at some point we all need to turn around and figure out what our worth is so that way we can keep fighting and know what we are WORTHY of and what we are not.

    • xtaylorx

      101d

      and a very important quality to a partner is someone who motivates you and helps you rise.

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