Struggling with Depression in a Relationship

I think it’s good that you try to make him feel appreciated and reassured, but if he’s not willing to make any changes and put in his own effort to work on himself, this is something that needs to be talked about between the two of you. I feel like you guys are speaking different love languages. Because of how that and along with other mental health issues is affecting you, it’s clashing negatively for the both of you. Your relationship reminds me of a ticking bomb and it seems like you don’t want to show up at the party because of the resentment built towards him. If that’s the case, he won’t know what’s wrong unless you tell him how his behavior and actions make you feel. I don’t know if you told him already about it, but if not, starting a serious convo about his actions and he’s how is the best approach instead of ditching him at a party to prove a point. I feel like things would definitely get problematic that way and I wouldn’t encourage it. And even you being the bigger person here is also just as problematic because you’re technically just sweeping the issues under a rug. It leaves no room for an open discussion about his behavior and actions while you build more resentment towards him. In my opinion, talking about it with him about how you feel unappreciated when you do go beyond to make him feel loved and reassured by calmly explaining how these issues are bothering you is more preferable than either of your following options. But I don’t want to also ignore another issue with this situation too. Him being distant and annoyed is something he needs to work on his behalf too. Even if he’s understandably that type of person to behave that way when depressed, it’s not healthy for him to treat people the way that he does. He needs to start understanding why it’s not right and try even if it’s minimal to be more open for communication when he does have bad days and is experiencing bad moods and not project it on those around him. I know you try to be pretty understanding of his own issues when he does get distant and that’s amazing, but if it’s negatively affecting you, you can’t always just pretend that things are fine with you when it’s not. I suggest to speak to him about it because eventually the root of this problem will sooner or later explode if not.